She lives!

A good time with family at a great place.

2012-01-30T21:58:00.000-06:00

We never got around to pictures today, so this is one I took Saturday. That's the kitchen behind me and that chair in front of me is in front of the desk where I have the laptop. This is really a nice place.

We had a great time, just being together, today. Phil went with me over to the fitness center, so we both got in some exercise. It was a good time for Ruthie to rest her back and get a little nap. I sure thank God for their visit. It has been so good for me. We worked quite a bit on the puzzle and enjoyed simple meals. They are a blessing to me!

Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo!

2012-01-29T20:56:00.000-06:00

They're here! Phil and Ruthie are here to spend as many days as I can persuade them to stay! I know they are tired from today's drive, so we're going to bed soon. I thank God for their safe trip and for them wanting to come. This is a great place to share; I'm so glad they could come while I'm here.

I walked on the treadmill, again, today, I walked 2.5 mph and did fine. I went 1.8 miles before it felt like my leg had had enough. I'm pleased to be able to use their great facility and thank God that I'm still able to walk.

Looking like my mom, again.

2012-01-28T21:32:00.000-06:00

I took this shot to show the deer over the fireplace and the fish on the wall. That door goes out to the balcony off the living room. There is another balcony off the bedroom. Maybe this reminds me of Mom because of the white or the gray hair. Anyway, I think of her when I look at this picture. Oh, the TV is in that cabinet behind me (There is another one in the bedroom, which I've never watched). I watched The Bachelor Monday night and haven't had it on another time; I grew up without TV and never got the habit.

Today was a better day for me. I pushed myself to go to the fitness center. I was really afraid to go because that was something Don and I always did. I thought it would be traumatic for me. They had totally redone the fitness center; even moved it to a new floor. So, it was different in many ways. I still missed him, but I know he would want me to go, so I did He would not want me to pass up the opportunity to go to such a nice fitness center and it is state of the art. Besides, he'd want me taking care of myself, and walking is important in my care. I used to walk 4 mph, but I was only comfortable with 2.3 mph today. I don't have to be in a rush; I don't have any trains to catch. I thank God that I can walk, and for the opportunity to have a good fitness center available.

Ruthie and Phil are coming tomorrow; I'm making a sugar free pie! Woo hoo!

71 1/2 is all on this earth.

2012-01-27T19:46:00.000-06:00

This is a picture I took a couple of days ago to show all the 'Bass Pro Shop' atmosphere around this condo. The bedroom and bathroom is behind the window behind the sofa. The two doors behind me are a closet and the washer and dryer. There are deer and fish everywhere. Can you see on the lamp shade right in front of me a cedar tree? This is Big Cedar; so there are cedars everywhere, too. The lamp on the desk has a couple of canoes and a fishing scene on it. I'm not into fishing or hunting, but I love the consistency of this place and they are the definition of service. Every night the cookie lady comes and brings a bag of cookies and new packages of coffee to brew. I don't eat cookies or drink coffee, but I save the cookies in the freezer for the kids and my guests drink coffee. It's the personal touch of someone visiting with a basket of goodies that makes it feel special.

Today has been a hard day. Don would have been 72 today. I thank God for giving me Don for 34 1/2 years. I would be greedy to ask for more . . . but I'm feeling kind of greedy today. Certainly I'm needy; I sure think I need Don, but God has a better plan. Don would expect me to stand up as tall as I can and face whatever God has in store for me. I will do that, treasuring memories all the way . . . sometimes drenched with tears, but often with a smile . . . always a smile in my heart. I was blessed to know and enjoy true love.

2012-01-26T17:25:00.000-06:00

I read today about a girlfriend who was remarking that one of her mother's instructions to her and her siblings were to be sure to fill their lives with good friends. It reminded me that I am so very blessed with good friends. This picture is one my camera on timer took the day we left for the cruise. Doris, Don's sister and her husband, Jerry are on the outside of the group of Mary, Steve, and I. Doris and Jerry so graciously let us spend the night at their house so we could get up and go pick up Patsy and go on to check onto the ship. Not only that; they took us out to a wonderful dinner at my favorite Mexican place, Gringo's, the night before. They also picked me up at MD Anderson last Friday and took me tot he airport so I could catch my flight back to OK; on they way they bought my supper, again.

Steve and Mary came to my house the night before we left for Houston and spent the night, then drove me all the way down there. We stayed in a condo the week after we got back from the cruise and then they took me into MD Anderson for my check up. Then, since I had to go back in for more tests, they took me and my suitcases to Doris and Jerry's house before they headed for home. Doris took me back into MD Anderson for one test and then to Judy's house to spend the next couple of days. All these folks were carting me everywhere to get all my tests done and get me where I needed to be. Judy took me back up to MD Anderson on Friday for my last ct scan and I took my bags up to (yet another friend, who was pictured on the blog recently) Candy's room so I wouldn't have to drag them around the hospital. Candy's husband, Joe, had a chemo treatment that day, so I called her out of that treatment (he was sleeping) for lunch and to take me to get my bags from their room. I guess that all sounds confusing to you all. The point is that it took the teamwork of a bunch of awesome friends and family to accomplish my checkup and following tests. Then when I got back to Bartlesville, Steve and Mary drove the 3 hours up there to get me and return me to Oklahoma City where I spent the night with our daughter. She took me home on Saturday. Not only am I blessed with awesome results, I'm further blessed with awesome friends and family. I can never repay them, but I'll never forget and neither will God. He knows how many hairs we have on our head; I know he knows the love we show, too. It's how we spread His spirit!

Note: I refilled the car at Phillip's today! I'm loving finding ConocoPhillips everywhere!

Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo!

2012-01-25T16:12:00.000-06:00

This is as close to party dress as I get. It was dress up night on the cruise. I put this picture on to represent the news that I just got. The doctor's nurse called and the result of my ct scan was that there was NO evidence of metastatic disease! Praise God! That's what we've prayed for and it's what I believed the results would be. It feels good to have the results in and have it all confirmed. Thank you so much for your prayers.

Ahhhhh . . . now I can get busy with taxes. God is good; He'll help me through the taxes, too!

No test results, yet.

2012-01-24T18:27:00.002-06:00

This is me with Patsy's mama; I call her Aunt Moze. That's what Terri calls her and she introduced her to me years ago, so she'll always be Aunt Moze to me. Steve and Mary and I spent the night before the cruise with Don's sister, Doris and her husband, Jerry. Then the next morning we drove to Patsy's house and put all our belongings into her car because it was big enough for all of us; then we headed down to Galveston to board the ship. We had a few minutes to see Aunt Moze before we left and when we got home. Aunt Moze is a hugger, so we all got hugs and loved it!

I was supposed to get the results of Friday's ct scan today, but the nurse called and said they don't have them, yet. She has asked for them to be expedited to her, so she's hoping to have them tomorrow. I was hoping to celebrate tonight, but I'll celebrate getting to see and hug Aunt Moze, instead. I can celebrate good results on the ct scan tomorrow. I thank God for every day and every person in my life. I've read that in a lifetime you really only have enough good friends that you can count on one hand; all the other folks are really just acquaintances. I think I have lots more good friends than I can count on two hands. I know I am richly blessed and I thank God for precious people in my life, the opportunity to be a military brat and meet lots of people, and access to the Internet to find them and keep up with all of them.

God's promises.

2012-01-23T20:05:00.002-06:00

God sent a rainbow to represent the promise that He would never flood the whole world, again. I take all of life pretty seriously, but rainbows are special because God used it to represent a huge promise. To me it's a very personal message every time I see a rainbow. It's reminder to me that God is in control and He will keep all His promises, and He is reminding ME. He has a plan for each of us, including me. I don't see all that He sees and I trust Him and love Him for taking charge. When He gives us TWO rainbows, it seems very emphatic to me. These two rainbows delighted us as we were leaving Cozumel. You can see the tip of another cruise ship on the edge of the picture. There were many delights on the cruise, but this one was extra special. We don't have to be on a cruise to see double rainbows; we get lots of signals all the time from God. I'm not sure I always know exactly what they mean and I'm sure I miss some, but all in all I'm reminded that I can trust in Him.

He got me here, safely, yesterday. This place is awesome and I'm grateful to be here. I slept until 10 this morning! I'm ready to go to bed and get another good night's sleep. Thanks for keeping up with me!

2012-01-22T22:16:00.000-06:00

This is a picture Patsy took of me in the "tourist trap" in Cozumel. This fountain was pretty. All in all it was a really great trip. I'm glad we didn't turn over like the one in Italy did!

Today I got up early and drove all day to get to Branson before dark. I got here just in time to get unloaded as it was getting dark. Then I had problems getting connected. I had to call ATT 3 times, and it took 4 hours, but they got me connected! I never had to talk to the robot and each time I got someone who spoke English with no wacky accent. I needed that!

I've got everything all unpacked and put away in the kitchen. I'm going to unpack my clothes and shower and head to bed. There is a jacuzzi tub here, but I'm so tired, I'm not sure I could pull myself out of it, so I'll have a break through and shower tonight. I just need to get clean and get to bed. I'm exhausted. I was up until 2:20 this morning getting everything ready and then got up at 6:30, so it was a short night for me. I thank God for keeping me awake for the trip and for giving me a safe trip here. The weather was perfect.

I griped about the condo last week, so I must complement this one. It is the Wilderness Club and Big Cedar and it is really nice. I always love it here. Ruthie and Phil are coming as soon as they get the new doors on their house; Sissy, why don't you come on up here? Ruthie and I were talking about that and we think it would be so much fun! I'm making an ice box pie with Splenda; can I bribe you with pie?

Recalling the cruise.

2012-01-21T21:08:00.000-06:00

Patsy took this picture the day that she and I walked into the tourist traps in Cozumel. I'll really be happy to stay on the ship if I go on another cruise. The ship was great. Going off the ship was more of a hassle than it was worth to me. Patsy was so great to hang close to the ship with me and be content. We were on the Triumph, the ship on the left. Carnival parked the Glory right beside us, so the folk who drank a lot in Cozumel had to be thinking they were seeing double when they came back to the ship!

I'm packing to load the car soon. It's been challenging today. Trish brought me home and then her car wouldn't start when she started to go home! She called AAA and they got her going pretty quickly, but it was a challenge, and she made it home just fine. Now, to get everything I need packed into the car. God keeps taking care of me, so I'm looking forward to "our" trip to Branson. I miss Don, but God is hanging really tough with me, so I'll make it.

Praise God and Celebrate!

2012-01-20T15:14:00.002-06:00

Tonight's picture is one that Steve or Mary took Sunday, when Heather and Brett and Luke and Logan came to visit when we were in the condo in Conroe. I am so blessed to have so many precious people in my family. This was a visit to treasure; so glad I've got pics to help bring it to my recollection often!

This morning as I was waiting to go in for my ct scan (checking the liver) I got a call that they had a seat reserved for me on a private jet to Bartlesville, OK, tonight! Conoco-Phillips runs a shuttle Sunday through Friday to and from Bartlesville and Houston and they let cancer patients ride in their vacant seats, FREE! So, I'll be buying all the Conoco-Phillips gas I can to thank them; hope you will, too! So, Steve and Mary are going to pick me up at Bartlesville and take me to Tricia's house in Oklahoma City. I'll spend the night and she'll take me home in the morning. Woo hoo! That's not all; there's more!

I finished up my scan and Jerry and Doris picked me up and brought me to the airport. While I was sitting here waiting, my doctor's nurse called to tell me the results are in from the bone scan and there is NO evidence of metastasis to the bones! THAT's what I expected, but I didn't expect it until Tuesday. She said she will call me Tuesday with the results from my ct scan today. Thank you all so much for your prayers, and I sure thank God for His help, here. I'm a blessed lady!

Took an off day.

2012-01-19T21:38:00.004-06:00

This picture Judy took of Steve and Mary and I at MD Anderson on Tuesday. I am so blessed to have so many good friends all over the world. I thank God for all these folks who cart me around, house me, love me and pray with and for me! Tomorrow I go back to MD Anderson for the ct scan of my abdomen. I really expect that it will be fine. All these tests will turn out okay and I can move forward with confidence. However they turn out, I can move forward with confidence because I know that God is in control. I'm doing everything I can to be cancer free; if the cancer returns then this will be my ticket to move on to the next phase and I have no fear of that. My worst fear is doing anything without Don and I'm already doing everything without him. I learned a long time ago: 'Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain,' so I'm home free. It's all up to God and He's carrying me like in the poem, "Footprints." I am so grateful for God carrying me. God blesses!

The finished puzzle and some good news.

2012-01-18T17:52:00.004-06:00

Here is the picture I've promised with the finished puzzle. Steve and I were very proud of our work!

Now, the report from today is GREAT! I'm not in the clear, yet, but as far as my heart goes, I am. I had the echo cardiogram today and the guy who did it said, "This is good! Your heart is working like it's supposed to. Whatever procedure or treatment they want to do on you, you can take, because your heart is good." I told him they didn't want to do any treatment or procedure but they were looking to be sure the chemo had not damaged my heart. So, then he said, "Well, there is no problem with your heart; they're going to have to find some other excuse for your ankles swelling." I'm convinced it's genetics, so I'm not any more worried about the ankles than I am worried about being short! So, no worries about the heart!

Steve and Mary took me to Doris' house today and then they headed for home. Doris took me in to MD Anderson for the echo cardiogram. I loved spending the day with Doris! It was great to have someone to join me in cheering today! Then she brought me out to Judy's house and Judy had curry rice cooking! YUM! Tricia worries about me eating, well, Trish, worry no more! I ate plenty yummy food tonight!

Today I learned that I can go home on Friday after the CT scan, but I'll have to figure out how to schedule a flight. There are several options, including a couple of free ones, so that's a wonderful thing if I can make it work. Hopefully, I can work out something so I can go home this weekend. I sure thank God for today's good news and thank you all for your prayers!

Here's the deal.

2012-01-17T21:43:00.002-06:00

This is a picture of the mini reunion we had today. This is me with Judy and Candy, who were both classmates of mine in Japan. Judy lives here in Houston and has walked me through the breast cancer journey. Candy lives in the Hill Country of Texas in a town I can't remember. She and her husband are at MD Anderson for him to have a stem cell transplant. It was wonderful that we could enjoy visiting today. I thank God for tremendous friends and family!

Now, the deal:

1: My ankles were swollen so the doctor is concerned that I may have some heart damage from the chemo so she insists we check it. Thus, I'm having an echo cardiogram tomorrow.

(Note: swollen ankles run in my family, so I think this will not be an issue.)

2: My hip and leg have been hurting me, so the doctor had a bone scan done on me today from head to toe.

(Note: I have a badly degenerated disc at the bottom of my vertebra and I believe that is causing my leg and hip pain. I could be wrong, but this scan will tell us the answers.)

3: My bloodwork showed numbers for my liver function that made the doctor order a CT scan on Friday.

(Note: I have a history of weird numbers on my liver function numbers since way back before I ever had cancer. I used to give blood every 8 weeks and at one time they wrote me a letter and asked me not to give for a year because my liver function numbers were out of line. So, this is not such a big deal to me, but they have to be sure.)

So, I'm taking this as a message from God that I must remember that HE is in charge. MY plans to go to Branson are not in line with HIS plans. I have prayed that His will be done in all things. I trust Him to make a better plan than mine. I'll do my best to cooperate with Him.

I wish I could write that we got a good report today, but what we got was frustrating numbers and signals. The tests will give us better direction. In the meantime, Steve and Mary will go back home and I will be here with Doris and Judy to look after me. I couldn't be in better hands.

The worst thing about this is that I don't want to do it without Don. I work every day to accept that reality, but it hits me cold in the face so often. God has given me great support in family and friends, though. Thank you who are reading this for being in that group who God has given to me!

I will keep you posted as best as I can. Please understand that I will be floating from house to house, though, and remember that no news is good news.

Here is yesterday's post.

2012-01-17T06:08:00.003-06:00

This is me with Rocky Rutherford, the brother of a classmate from years in Japan. I saw Rocky about 20 years ago at a mini reunion, so it's been a long time. He brought those flowers from his yard, and then he took Steve and Mary and I out to a great Mexican dinner!

Yesterday was very full! We had gone out to buy this laptop in the morning and then gone to the Olive Garden for lunch. After lunch I worked on getting this computer set up and Steve and Mary went on a birding adventure. After Rocky left last night I got all wound up working on this laptop and totally forgot to do the blog until I went to bed. I got up then and attempted to do it, but couldn't get access to the Internet, so I thought it was because Mary had shut down her computer and I was bootlegging off it to get access. I put it all into the notepad so I could post quickly this morning, but when I got up this morning I couldn't get it out of the notepad. Mary is still offline, but this seems to be working. I'm lost, but I'm fumbling and will get 'er done!

We're up early to go in to MD Anderson for my check up. We'll also meet two more of my friends from school in Japan. We'll get pics. I thank God for all these great friends who are so supportive. I don't expect any issues regarding my health today, but this will be my first time at MD Anderson without Don and that will be an issue for me. He was such terrific support and we enjoyed even the days at MD Anderson. I know the doctors will ask, "Where is your husband?" God provides and I trust His plan.

After we are done at MD Anderson, we're going to stop by Doris and Jerry's for a while. I expect we'll be home for supper and I'll post as soon as possible to give the report of my check up. Thanks for your support, too!

Last dinner on the cruise.

2012-01-15T18:40:00.002-06:00

Tonight's picture was also taken the last night we had dinner on the ship. This is me and Patsy with our waiter, Roberto. We really liked him; he was really good to us. I don't think we ever go a picture of our steward, and that's a mistake because he was also very good to us. The cruise was really nice. it was nice to be totally taken care of for a few days. Patsy was such a great room mate, too. Maybe we'll do another cruise sometime. I thank God that I was NOT sea sick at all! I took a half of a Bonine every day and had no problems whatsoever. I sure did feel the motion from time to time, even for a couple of days off the cruise! I think I haven't felt any motion today, so maybe that's done for this trip.

Doris and Jerry's son, Brett, and his wife, Heather, came over with their boys today and we had a nice visit. It's always so good to see them and the boys are so precious. I got a few pictures, so someday I'll post one of them to share with you. Thanks for checking on me; hope this will be a good week for you all!

Puzzling.

2012-01-14T21:04:00.002-06:00

Steve and I have just finished this puzzle. Today we had to go 'off campus' and do laundry. I checked out the playground because our nephew and niece are coming tomorrow with their little guys, Luke and Logan. I wanted to be sure it was acceptable for them. I think they'll like it, and it should be nice tomorrow; it was a great day today! I thank God for warm days; my feet were so happy to be out of closed in shoes. My back is not happy being away from my NUBAX and Power Plate, so in this picture you'll notice the belt I'm wearing: it's a device designed to give me traction and stretch my back. It really does seem to help and I need all the help I can get.

Thanks for checking on me. All is good. Relaxing with the puzzle was good today. It feels especially good to have completed it. Tomorrow we'll take pictures of the completed puzzle. I thank God that the peripheral neuropathy I had with chemo is gone so that I can handle the puzzle pieces, play cards and type! There is always so much for which to give thanks!

Dinner our last night on the cruise.

2012-01-13T20:09:00.002-06:00

This is one of the pictures Mary got from the cruise. Our waiter took it for her. Steve is on the left and Mary is on the right. Patsy, my room mate, and I are in the middle. I am so grateful that I could eat and not be sick on this cruise! I took half a Bonine each day and it worked fine for me. It's weird that it still feels like I'm on the ship, though!

Today Steve and Mary went birding down on the coast all day. I stayed here and my friends, Charlotte and Delpha, came and got me and took me to lunch at the Olive Garden. It was a great time! Then I had time this afternoon to work on the jigsaw puzzle that we have going and I got caught up on my emails. It was good to get some relaxing done. Ahhhhh. I thank God for rest, relaxing and awesome friends and family!

On land, again!

2012-01-12T21:03:00.001-06:00

So, the cruise was unreal. We had a great time, and we are back, checked into the condo for this week. I have no complaints with the cruise, but this condo is a pit. Let me tell the world that I own 4 timeshares and have stayed at many others, but I will never buy or recommend Silverleaf! We don't own with Silverleaf, but we've stayed with them previously and we've had good stays. I traded with friends to get this one and the time and the place are right, so I am grateful that we could make the trade. However, I called to ask if they had hairdryers and they told me yes. No hair dryer. So, they came and installed ONE, but we have 3 adults here. The kitchen is a farce. The first thing I had to do was inventory the place. That should be their job! They don't even have a laundry on the property! I could go on and on, but the worst thing is that my computer has died. Thank goodness Mary will let me use hers, but I need the information on MINE! So much for the cruise getting me started in a better direction. I'm not seeing it, yet. I've got to figure out how to get the laptop sent to me in Branson. That will be tricky, but I'll figure out how to make it work.

The picture on this post is one that Mary took of me with Doris and Jerry last Saturday morning before we left for the cruise. That was before I ate and ate and ate on the cruise. No kidding, the food was not only plentiful, but it was really delicious! There was so much to enjoy on the cruise. More about all that later, as I think of it.

Right now Mary is picking the pieces of a new puzzle out of the box and I NEED to go help her! This laptop fiasco is really stressing me, so I need to go de-stress with a puzzle. Tomorrow a good friend is coming to get me so we can to the Olive Garden and have lunch; Steve and Mary are going back toward Galveston to look for birds. I'll get pictures, but won't be able to download them until I get my laptop fixed, I guess. I'll be using pictures Mary took for the blog this week. I'll figure out what to do after that. I'm not excited about figuring out how to do things; this will keep me busy over the winter, no doubt. Ugh. God promised He wouldn't give me more than I can handle; He has such high hopes for me and I'm grateful that He believes in me. I am so thankful for all the ways he has blessed me! I have terrific support!

Escape!

2012-01-05T16:00:00.002-06:00

This is the "Whew, the speedometer is fixed" look! Dorothy went with me yesterday and we got it done. I'm glad it's done.

My friends, Steve and Mary, are coming in just a few minutes and we'll leave in the morning for Houston. They will go with me on the cruise and stay with me after we get back until it's time for my appointment at MD Anderson. I'll have computer access once we get off the ship, so I can probably blog. I will as soon as I can, but no promises. I'm taking this escape and I'll be back as soon as I can. In the meantime, you all take a break from my blog and escape, too! I know I need some new scenery. Maybe it will help me.

Joan is all set to look after the house while I'm gone. She is fully equipped with keys and garage door opener and I've cleaned the house. God blesses me with awesome friends and family. Thank you for being among those blessings and God bless you!

Jeremiah 29:11

2012-01-04T12:54:00.003-06:00

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I meant to post this later, but I hit the wrong key. Oops. God meant for today's post to be short, I guess. Let me add a pic from yesterday.

I'm headed to Altus to get the speedometer fixed. I'm mostly packed, so that's good.

The best I could do today.

2012-01-03T17:21:00.002-06:00

Saturday the speedometer quit working on my 'good' van. I thought I could drive it without it, but I realized I kept looking at it, so I guess I need it. I looked on the Internet and found that it can cause other problems if I don't fix it. I also remember the last ticket I got for doing 35 in a 25 mile zone, and it cost me $110. 25 is hard to do unless I'm in reverse; then there is the highway. I just think I need to fix it. It's only money. I'll spend it until it's gone and then maybe I'll get a job teaching full time. Or maybe I'll quit driving? No, I'm going to drive this car until it won't go anymore. So, I had to drive to Altus to get the car checked and get the part ordered. I'll have to go back tomorrow when the part arrives to have it fixed. The last time I drove to Altus in the daylight was to take Don to the doctor and hospital. It brought back memories and took me to tears. A good friend went with me, so I was able to keep it under control until I got home. Otherwise, I know I would have cried the whole way there and back. I'm sure the dealership people would have had a hey day with that. The last time I was in that dealership was with Don, too. Man, I just can't get through this. I thank God that the memories are precious, though. He was so kind and loving; I have absolutely no bad memories.

I've been to Altus a couple of times in the dark to get my fingerprints done. (They only do them after 7 p.m.) Prior to that, the last time I drove to Altus in the dark was when we went there one night to get a powerful antibiotic for Don when the bladder infection he had wasn't responding to the first medication. That was on Labor Day weekend. Dorothy went with me to get my prints made, and it was dark so I didn't see all the reminders. I guess it's good to keep doing things, so that I can't say the last time I did this was with Don. I really hadn't driven much in the last several years. I was just the sub driver; I'd drive long enough for Don to get a nap, but he did most of the driving. I miss him so much. God has a plan for me. This is the day that the Lord has made and I will be glad and rejoice in it. The good thing is that I didn't get a ticket today and I can pay the bill; it hurts, but I can pay it. God provides and He blesses with abundance. Today's picture is as close to rejoicing as I could muster.

Look closely for the hidden feathers.

2012-01-02T17:49:00.002-06:00

Trish had her feathers 'installed' (I doubt that is the right term.) in the back of her hair behind her left ear. So, it's really very subtle. There is a dark one, a red one and three little skinny gray ones. What a concept! I was always taught that feathers have lice and all kinds of cooties. I'm sure these are cleaned, but they still kind of give me the creeps. They look so cute in the girls' hair, though. It's certainly a thing of this generation, although many from my generation have them, too. No doubt I'm out of that loop!

Today I've been packing and working on taxes. I will finish the corporate taxes when I'm in Branson and the rest when I get home, but I want to have as much done as possible before I go so I can be sure to take everything I need with me.

I had company yesterday, so there is more food to eat than I usually eat, so my stomach is rebelling. Anymore food in my stomach acts like water on a hot skillet, so I shouldn't have eaten as much as I did today. I will learn. I've learned that eating is a social thing for me. When I eat with folks my stomach is more receptive. This alone business will take some adjusting. They say it takes time. I've learned that 3 1/2 months is not long enough for me. Time is meaningless to God, so I think I need to lean toward that direction and quit thinking about time. Time is a big issue that man makes.

New Year's Day.

2012-01-01T20:39:00.003-06:00

This is Dorothy and I playing cards with our friend, Joan. Joan is my great friend who taught us how to play Hand and Foot Canasta. She always takes care of the house whenever we leave and she does a lot of the yard work for me these days. She's an awesome friend. This is the first time the three of us have played cards since David and Don died. We played and shed no tears! I even got the red 3's once, which is a big deal, especially when we aren't playing with partners. Anyway, we had a fun day. I thank God for good friends to make all of life better, but especially the really hard times.

This is the day that the Lord Hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I want that to be my mantra every day to help me keep my chin up where it should be. Good friends and good family help me to set and make my goals. I pray that your 2012 will be a healthy and happy year for you. I pray that mine will be, too. It's hard to imagine it, but I believe that, somehow, it can be. God provides and blesses, so who am I to doubt Him?

Sadie's feathers.

2011-12-31T16:39:00.002-06:00

Sadie wanted her feathers placed in a more subtle position. This way they aren't so obvious, but when you least expect them, you see them. It's perfect for her!

Today I'm packing for the next three months so it's really busy. I will be overlapping winter with spring, so it's tricky. There is a New Year's Eve party at church tonight, so I'll go to that for a bit, but then I plan to go to bed around 10. I'm not in much of a party mood.

I've got a bit of business to do before the end of the year, so I've got to get with that business, too. Ugh. I hate details. I'm making a sugar free pie for lunch tomorrow, too. Dorothy and our friend, Joan, are coming over to spend the day. We're sticking with beans and cornbread and some steamed vegetables that Trish left, but the pie is our treat.

So, I'm off to take care of details! If you party, party safe! I thank God for friends to share the tough times. I pray that He is using this for training for me so I'll be worth something to Him when it seems so desolate to me; I trust Him to make it happen like it's supposed to happen.

More feathers.

2011-12-30T19:14:00.003-06:00

This is Raynie with her feathers. Her name is Summer Rayne and we call her Raynie, so I spell it like that. Her mom tells me that I misspell it. She calls her Raynie, but she spells it the same as when she calls it Rayne. So, I misspell it. Anyway, I love this precious child!

The feathers and the beautiful heads carrying them went home today. It was so warm outside, that I didn't wear a coat. I went out to water my magnolia out front and pulled all the weeds and dead leftover flower stubs out of the front flower bed while I waited on the water to give the tree a good drink. It felt good to be outside. On the way back to the trash I picked up two more huge bags of leaves from the side of the house where they collect. So, I did get something done today.

I'm headed to take a bath and wash my hair. It's time to pamper me a bit. My back says that it is! I say thanks to God that I can bend and work a little, and thanks for a gorgeous day to close out this year.

Happy Birthday, Jeff.

2011-12-29T19:13:00.002-06:00

Today is our oldest son's birthday. We were so very proud of him and I still am. He looks so much like his dad and is like him in many ways. I think the likenesses are great for both of them and both are great, great men in my eyes and heart.

The girls and I have had a fun day. We played at Exploration Station and then went out to spend a little time with Dorothy. It was a no coat day, so we thanked God for that blessing! We are working on the puzzle, but it may get put on hold until spring; it's a tough one!

God bless you as we approach a new year. Thank you for hanging with me and sharing my joys as well as my hurts.

Feathers!

2011-12-28T18:28:00.003-06:00

Trish had the idea to go and get feathers for all the girls today. So, it was their big surprise. We didn't tell them until we got to the salon and they were so thrilled. They were guessing everything else in the world, but never got close. This was a great surprise and they are all pleased as punch. I'll be posting all their pics over the next few days. This is Gracie with her feathers.

I thank God for some warm days so we can go to the park while they are here. I sure thank God for their taking time out to come for a few days. It's great to have them. We're working a puzzle with 1,000 pieces; sure hope we can finish it before they go!

A gift from Suzanne.

2011-12-27T21:21:00.003-06:00

This picture is one of me with my cousins, Frank and Suzanne Fox, taken a year and a half ago at the Fox family reunion. Suzanne is a year older than me and Frank is a year older than her. We grew up the closest of all my cousins because we were so close in age. Then when we went to college Suzanne and I were room mates. I love them both so very much! Their mom and dad were very special to me, too. Their mom was the last of all our aunts and uncles to survive, but she passed away last May. At the service honoring her life a version of the following poem was read. Suzanne sent a copy of it to me this week. I found the original version online and will post it here. I read everything like this that I can and maybe some of it will sink in, eventually. I love the sentiments it expresses and my goal is to do what it says. I sure thank God for Aunt Alice and Uncle Fay in my life; they were absolutely wonderful as far back as I can remember. I thank God, too for Suzanne and Frank; they were nearly like siblings, but we just never had enough time together! If we had we probably would have been exactly like siblings and fought, but we always treasured every moment we could share! Suzanne, thanks for sharing this poem.

Remember Me

Do not shed tears when I have gone
but smile instead because I have lived.

Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I’ll come back
but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind.

I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me
but still I want you to be full of the love we shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened
between us yesterday.

You can remember me and grieve that I have gone
or you can cherish my memory and let it live on.

You can cry and lose yourself become distraught
and turn your back on the world
or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears,
learn to love again and go on.

~ David Harkins~

Fashion statement?

2011-12-26T16:53:00.003-06:00

Maybe it's a fashion statement. I've been wearing two of Don's shirts around because I love it and nobody else would want them. I found these leg warmers (you know they've got to be OLD because was it the 80's when leg warmers were the thing?) and they are perfect to keep me warm in this weather. So, the eccentric little old lady keeps on keeping on. So the statement is: warm is good and wearing two of Don's shirts is a comfort to me. It's as close as I can get to him these days. I thank God that I can be warm and I thank Him for precious memories!

I'm working on books (for taxes) and I hate that, but I'm getting it done, little by little. Oh, Tonight is Monday, so maybe You Deserve It will be on TV. It's about all I watch, now that Survivor and Dancing with the Stars are over. I've got sleeves on a jacket to hem for Dorothy while I watch something tonight, so I hope there will BE something. I may take up playing Scrabble with myself like my mom did, but I want to work some puzzles, first. I'm taking puzzles to Branson with me. I have tons of books to read, too, so Scrabble will wait. I never can imagine how people are ever bored.

Thank you for checking on me. I'm okay. God blesses us and I give thanks!

Thanks, Ruthie.

2011-12-25T17:05:00.006-06:00

Dorothy and I did the best we could to make this an ordinary day. We got through it. I intended to fix her supper and take her home, but she was ready to go with no supper. I read to her until my voice gave out on me, so we have more to read next weekend. That will work. We had an aunt who was a favorite; she had no kids of her own, so she was wonderful to all of us cousins. Aunt Mae was wonderful to everyone! One time she told me, "There's nothing harder than taking an old lady across the street who doesn't want to go." I thought of that today when Dorothy wanted to go home and I wanted to fix her dinner; I think of that when I want her to go to Branson with me and she doesn't want to go. Bless her heart; she is a sweetheart, but if she wants to go home, the kindest thing I can do is take her home! We enjoyed lunch and then several chapters of "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23;" then she had a nap and I took her home. It's just the best we could do with this Christmas.

God blessed us with wonderful husbands and we miss them terribly. Sometimes we just need to be alone, I guess. I get way plenty of alone, but I appreciate the quiet and I treasure the memories. I'm blessed with many precious memories and life.

I talked to Ruthie twice today and she reminded me that God knew me before I was born and He delivered me packed with all I will need for my whole life. This is the day that the Lord has made I I will rejoice in it. I thank God for my sisters; I need their inspiration!

Praise God! Ruthie is home and good!

2011-12-24T15:32:00.003-06:00

This is my happy face, today! Ruthie is home from the hospital and they say her heart is good! They checked her over really good and told her to go see a good chiropractor! Trish is the one who figured out that it was a slipped rib. I should have known that, but I had heart attack to fresh on my mind to get past it. Ruthie had pleurisy after Thanksgiving, so I was wondering about that, too. When I told Trish, she said, "Mom, she's got a rib out!" Whew! I'm so glad she got a good once over and that they found nothing serious. She is home and tired, but I hope she'll take it easy and be all better really soon. I thank God for this Christmas present of a healthy sister!

So, I see that I need to reconsider on some turtle neck shirts. I hate them because I have claustrophobia, but that turkey neck is disgusting. Oh, well, I've been living with short all these years, I'll learn to live with turkey neck. The neck wasn't so bad when it was all filled in with fat, but it turns out that I have way too much skin these days. The skin is alive, though, and God has a purpose for it, so I'll keep searching for that purpose and pray that I can live up to it.

You all have the best Christmas you can and if merry is on your menu, I hope you order a big bunch of it and have a new year that is filled with wonderful times! Thanks for your prayers for Ruthie and for me!

Making it . . .

2011-12-23T21:19:00.002-06:00

The poinsettia, the Santas and I are almost there. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and the next day is Christmas. If I can make it through Sunday, I'll be relieved. I never realized holidays could be so difficult.

Phil called today and my sister, Ruthie, is in the hospital. They've done all kinds of tests and can't find what is causing her back pain. I'm thinking she may have a rib out. They intend to let her come home tomorrow if they don't find anything. They are giving her a thorough going over, so I feel better about all that. I know she hates to be in the hospital, but we sure want her to be checked really well. She doesn't need any visitors right now because stress will only make her back pain worse, I'm sure. I've talked to her and she sounds as good as anyone in the hospital can sound. I'll report to you tomorrow if she gets to go home and what they determine. Thanks for your prayers on her behalf!

My buddy.

2011-12-22T22:59:00.004-06:00

This is a picture I took this morning with one of my rice buddies warming my left shoulder. I talk about my buddies and this is one of the smaller ones that I carry around with me most of the time. I sleep with 6 bigger ones; three down each side of me; they keep me toasty warm and I hardly move all night. Nice, comfortable sleep!

Today turned out to be busy. I took care of a lot of loose ends. I even got the new sim card for my phone and got it ready to use. See, I lost MY phone, so I'm transferring my number to Don's old phone. So, anyone who has Don's cell phone number will find it no longer exists. I'll be using his phone with my cell phone number. One of these days my phone will appear, wherever I left it, no doubt. If you've left me a message in the last couple of weeks, I didn't get it!

Dorothy called me this evening to come out and have dinner with her. A mutual friend had brought her some stew and she wanted to share it with me. So, I took out the makings for a sugar free pie that we both like and we made the pie for desert. We'll finish it Christmas day. We're going to share Christmas together; we're having beans and cornbread and fried potatoes; maybe pizza for supper. Tonight I read a third of the book, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, to her. We'll finish it on Christmas day. It's a special Psalm to both of us and my sister sent me this awesome book that makes the 23rd Psalm even more meaningful. I love sharing it with Dorothy! God is great to give us so much to help us through this tough time!

Couldn't find THAT dress!

2011-12-21T17:01:00.004-06:00

I know that dress is here, somewhere, but I could not find it this morning. I did find this one, though, and it was Mom's, so it will have to do. I did my best to get into Mamasan mode; put on the pearls that Daddy gave me and her dress. I do think my face is shaped like hers. I took a couple with my mouth closed but my teeth are too big to close my mouth! When I close my mouth I don't look like Mom, I look like a horse! So skip the mouth. I think if she were here and would let me make up her eyes we'd look more alike. I can't get my makeup off because it's permanent and I would never take a picture without it, anyway . . . maybe if I had some of those pointy glasses I could hide behind them. Anyway, this is the end of the look alike saga. If I run across that other dress, maybe I'll do it, again. Ruthie, do you remember this dress? I still love it. I loved that other one, so I know it's here, somewhere. Tommy probably remembers these dresses; goodness, they are old!

Today they called me and finally had my other van fixed! Now, I hope to be able to sell it, but I won't be here to sell it, so probably won't get that done until spring. At least it is repaired. A friend is driving it for a few days while her son has hers. He wrecked his truck and is waiting on the insurance to pay him to get another one. My van has been sitting in the shop for nearly 9 months, so it won't hurt anything for her to drive it for a few days. I'm so glad for it to be used and running good!

I cut Dorothy's hair today, so I hope she can make it until I get home after spring break. When i get home from Houston, I can give her a quick trim before I leave, again. I sure wish she'd go with me, but she says she won't.

Oops! It's time to go sing at the nursing home. I almost forgot. I love those folks and I thank God that they seem to need me, too. It's nice to be needed. God bless!

Thanks, Trish, for standing in for me!

2011-12-20T20:11:00.002-06:00

My Internet connection was down for the last 7 hours! I gave up and figured they would take all night to get it fixed and called Trish and asked her to post the explanation for me. It was so quiet all afternoon. I was just headed to take a bath, when I heard the 'Ping' that tells me I have mail! It sure feels better to be connected! Thanks, Trish, for posting the explanation for me.

I wanted to post this picture of my mom tonight because I said last night that I think I look like her in the pictures I took Sunday. Now, I look at this picture and I really don't see any features that I have like her! Well, maybe the eye color? Anyway, I think it must be my demeanor in the Sunday pictures. I've got that striped dress of hers and I think I can get into it, now, so I think I'll put it on and take a picture from that angle. How silly, but I think I'll do it tomorrow. I looked back at my pictures and I wear lots more eye makeup than she ever did and I don't have any of those pointy glasses. I think maybe it's the rectangle face. For years my face was so round, so it didn't feel like I looked like her. Now, I've lost some of that fat and maybe so. When this picture was made she was about 4 or 5 years older than I am. Pardon me for reminiscing, but it's fun and I need all the fun I can find today. I thank God for the most wonderful mother, ever! I still miss her, too.

Today has been a gloomy day I don't mean weather-wise, but it was that, too. I'm grateful that we didn't have the snow that northwest Oklahoma had! I wasn't on the computer, so I tackled a bunch of paperwork. That's so hard for me. I see Don's handwriting and it's such a reminder. I see evidence of trips we made together and all my treatments. We did everything together and that's how life is supposed to be. I guess someone has to be left, but it's so gloomy to anticipate anything in the future without Don to share it. God, please help me!

No internet :(

2011-12-20T19:37:00.002-06:00

Hi guys!

It's Tricia. Mom's internet is down. SBC is having problems and they are working on it - so they say. Mom will be back as soon as they fix it. All is well! Thanks for being here!!

I'm certified!

2011-12-19T20:24:00.003-06:00

Certified what? Not crazy, but to teach. Maybe I AM crazy! We'll see! There is only one more day of school around before they break for Christmas. I'll be available to teach after spring break. I hope they'll keep me really busy!

Today I got lots of sewing done. I finished up my swim suit. I had pinned all the extra fabric to it, but I stitched it, so it's ready to wear. (I have to add fabric to the front and back where I was radiated, because I can't have sunshine there.) I hemmed 4 pairs of pants. These are all old pants that I've had for years, but I used to just tuck them under because I never had time to hem them. It feels good to get them fixed right. I also repaired one of my buddies; I had burned a hole into it. (Sometimes I heat them too long and it burns a hole wherever it gets too hot and the fabric gets really weak.)

I thank God that I have training for something I will enjoy doing. I could do lots of other things, but teaching is the thing I think I will most enjoy at this point in my life. I thank God for the opportunity to have gotten the training years ago and for the opportunity to use it, now. God will show me if it is the thing I should do. I like that I can substitute and get a taste of teaching. I can always apply to teach full time if I really like it. I don't expect to like it that much, though. :) I will love the kids, but I'm thinking the system will annoy me.

We aren't expecting snow, here. The panhandle has a blizzard going, but we aren't likely to get more than an inch and the chances of that are not good. (That's when we usually get 6 or 8 inches, though!)

Apology and THANK YOU for your SUPPORT!

2011-12-18T08:00:00.006-06:00

I apologize if I made anyone feel bad with my post last night. If you have said merry or nice to me, I'm not holding it against you! I realize that nobody knows what to say to someone who is so raw. I put up a pretty good front and folks have no idea that I'm on the edge of cliff of sobs. But, when they say, "Have a nice day," I crumble. I was truly one with Don and he is not here, so it's hard for me to stand alone. When someone suggests I have a nice day I feel like they have asked me to be tall; something I just can't do without Don here to do his part. Please, please don't any of you shut down on me in fear of my tears; just be braced that they may come and please excuse me. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and I know that God is holding my hand. He will carry me through this and I will be whatever He wants me to be. He says blessed are those who mourn, so I know that He is blessing me and grooming me for something that will give Him glory. I thank Him for patience with me. I believe that He is coming to me through all of you, so please don't be afraid to write or talk to me! The worst thing that happens is I cry and some say that's good for me. You may have to suffer through it with me!

We had our fellowship meal at church this morning and the young people hosted it with the help of their parents. That was really kind of cool. I love it when they all put on aprons and are so kind to wait on us. It was a nice treat. Of course their parents are working behind the scene and they are pretty terrific, too.

Dorothy and I went to her house afterwards and I 'saw' some things for her. She had a stack of papers that just needed to be thrown out, but nobody knew to do that and she couldn't see what they were. So I read them to her and we were able to throw most of it into the trash. She and I had a good cry. We're on about the same page. Maybe I can keep a straight face for the rest of the day! We know we have a lot of blessings to count, but we're stuck in the grief process.

Spa day.

2011-12-17T17:07:00.003-06:00

Tonight is the night I trim my hair and cut all my nails. All this stuff sure seems to grow fast. I remember when Don's dad rubbed his face and said about the stubble on his face, "There ought to be something a fellow could do about this." He was about 93 and Don reintroduced him to the electric razor he'd been using for years. He said, "Well, that's keen!" Precious memories. I don't cry over losing Boone; he was 96 and didn't know us or himself. But, I can't stop crying over losing Don. He loved it when I cut my hair, so maybe I can cut it and feel some happy vibes from him. Don't get me wrong. I have happy moments. Lots of friends and family are so good to me. But, I am broken. I see his handwriting; his picture; his clothes; his Bible . . . it all sends me crashing. And, then someone says, "Merry Christmas," or, "Have a nice day," or , "How are you?" "How are you is a loaded gun. and there is no such thing as merry or nice on my menu. If I can get through this holiday I'll be so glad it is over. I'm happy other people can be happy and festive, but it's just not a place I can go. I wish everyone would go on with their festivities and let me quietly read a book. I know God has a plan for me and He left me here because of it. I know that He is taking care of me; He's training me for something; I hope I can be ready. I thought when we were taking care of Don's dad that it was training for me to take care of Don, but he didn't live long enough for me to take care of him. I would be so happy to take care of him. I cry and cry, but I can't die of this and the house just stands here; life goes on, and I've got to get a grip on it. Thanks for letting me vent. I looked back to see what I could cut, and I did cut some, but my intention is to be honest and maybe someone can learn from my experience. If you know someone in my shoes, just say, "I'm thinking about you," not "How are you?" Please don't wish them a merry or nice anything, just tell them to call you if they need anything. I hope I can remember that when the shoe is on the other foot.

I got the most precious note from my cousin who is praying for me to have the strength to get through this holiday. Thank you, Bettye. She's walked in these shoes, so she knows I need strength . I thank God for her example in my life. She also led the way in the breast cancer walk; she and I are the ones in our generation who had breast cancer. My mother and my mother's mother had the honors before us. I went through my pictures and found a picture of her from our family reunion in 2006; I had a more recent one, but she had on sunglasses and this looks just like her, so I posted it with love and thanks!

Alyssa is here!

2011-12-16T18:01:00.002-06:00

Alyssa is here with me tonight! Her mom and dad are gone to their class party at church. So, Alyssa is going to spend the night with me! Lucky me! We'll work puzzles and have lots of fun. Today has been a better day and I thank God for that. Lots of friends have been very supportive and I appreciate that so much.

I'm off to work a puzzle! God bless!

Three more Santas!

2011-12-15T18:36:00.002-06:00

There are 8 Santas at the base of this poinsettia. From the left the 2nd, 4th, and 6th ones arrived in today's mail. I was thrilled to get them and only so sad that Don can't be here to enjoy them with me. Our good friend, Mike Buchanan, carved and painted them. Don loved Mike and was so impressed with his skill. I will celebrate every Christmas with these Santas and recall the joy we shared in them.

Today has been a day that I wish I could disappear. Every direction I turn tips me over into tears and sobs. I know that holidays are hard for folks, but now I KNOW about that rather than just read about that. I am looking for how to escape the holidays next year. I don't ever want to go through this, again, so I am on a diligent search.

To be more positive, let me give thanks that I am alive and relatively healthy. I can take care of myself and the house. If I can't I can get someone to help me. It could be lots worse. I thank God for family and friends who are so helpful and caring. They say it takes time. I feel like I'm wasting time. I'd like to be going in a good direction every day, but today has been a waste. I had 3 Santas come in the mail and still had to take 18 pictures to get 2 I could use. A dear friend sent me a wonderfully relaxing CD, and I still cried. It's just a basket case day. Tomorrow has got to be better. I believe all these tears have been prayers God understands more than I do. He'll help me do a better job with tomorrow. God bless you, too!

So far, so good.

2011-12-14T18:25:00.002-06:00

Haste makes waste. I've published twice before I was done. I'm exhausted from the day and hurrying to get this done before I go to church.

I DID get my fingers printed today and the OSBI (OK State Bureau of Investigation) accepted them. Now, the FBI has to accept them and they tell me that they accept about 95% of them, so I'm hoping this will do it! I thank God for getting us there safely today! I'm so used to Don driving, but I did just fine.

I got the herbs and vitamins thrown last night, but I'll have to package them tomorrow. It feels good to be this close to done with them.

I'm so tired, so I quit for tonight. I thank God for a warm day, too. It got up to 67 for a while. It's a nice relief from the cold!

One leaning Santa.

2011-12-13T17:47:00.003-06:00

I don't think he's sick; just tired. Me, too. I've spent all day attempting to deal with a bank, but they only have robots and idiots working for them, so I've struck out, again. I did this one other day and gave up, but made the mistake of attempting it, again, today. This is a bank in California and they told me I just need to come in to talk to them. Sure.

Besides that they called to tell me that my fingerprints were rejected again. I guess it's real important that they get good prints on me in case I kill a kid when I'm teaching or something. I've never killed anyone, yet, but I'd sure like to smash a robot or two. Tomorrow I'm taking a friend to Oklahoma City for a doctor's appointment, so I can go and have my fingerprints done, again. What a rat race! I am thank God that I don't have to work this week and that I do have the skills to do a job if they will ever accept me. You'd think they'd check to see if I have chemo brain, but, no, they just want to be sure I have good fingerprints. This is a crazy world. I do have chemo brain, but I think I can handle teaching; I'll be a comedy act for the kids. They'll get a kick out of it and they'll sneak up on themselves and learn some things. One thing they'll learn is that a real live person cares about them before they get dumped out into the world of automation.

I'm going to see if I can throw enough herbs and vitamins to get me through spring break tonight. I've cut down on a bunch of them, so I think I can get it done. Off I go!

Moved the poinsettia and Santas.

2011-12-12T20:10:00.003-06:00

I decided to move the poinsettia and the Santas to the dining room. It's a good thing I did because we used the bar, where it was, for snacks all weekend. I'm still enjoying them so much.

I was tired last night, but I'm double tired tonight. I think I crammed a lot into the last few days. It was wonderful having Richard and Carol here and the company we pulled in to join us! It was fun, fun, fun! I was headed to bed early tonight and forgot that I hadn't even done the blog. Duh. I guess I'm kind of in a daze.

I thank God for bringing wonderful people into my life. Ruthie sent me something that said I have a huge bottle of Vitamin F (That's what Dr. Oz calls friends.); I should be able to make it. Thank you for being in my bottle of Vitamin F! God bless!

Correction.

2011-12-11T23:34:00.003-06:00

Last night I said we played cards. Actually, I didn't play; I just coached because I was the odd person. Tonight I actually played. It was the first time since Don and David passed that Dorothy and I have played. It was fun, though. It was a little emotional, but we got caught up in the game and had fun. I'm glad we've broken that barrier. Richard and Carol (the preacher and his wife) went with me to take Dorothy home and I sure appreciated that. They are a really great couple; I hope they can work out an agreement with the church to come here. I'd love to have them for neighbors and I believe they'd be great workers with the church here. They have three grown kids who live in Oklahoma City, so they'll leave here in the morning and go to see their kids. It's sure been fun to have them.

Dorothy has a covered dish dinner to go to tomorrow night and has to make two dishes to take. I'll go get the groceries for her in the morning and then go out to her house and make them for her. Then I'll come home and put the house back into order and then get on with my own business. Right now I'm not sure what that is, but it will come to me by the time I have to get busy.

I took a bunch of Don's clothes to a good friend at church tonight. He is about the size that Don was for many years, so he can wear his XX stuff. I'll be glad to see him wear some of it, but it was emotional to get it together and take it out to the van. I think it's best to get it out of here, though, because it's always emotional for me to see it. Man, this is all so hard. I thank God for the good times to get me through the really emotional times. I thank God for good friends who understand and others who can't understand but they are still compassionate. I am blessed to be alive and healthy and able to take care of things around here. I sure miss Don's help, but I'm managing; mostly I miss his presence. He was wonderful help, but better than that he was an awesome companion. Don't let me get started!

Time to do my hair!

2011-12-10T22:21:00.004-06:00

I am so tired, but I just pulled a picture from last week and realize I really need to do my hair. It's just time to fluff it up some! It's been a great week, but I'm tired. We had a preacher visiting from Colorado and he and his wife have stayed here with me. Last night Dorothy stayed with us, too. She went home today, but we played Hand and Foot Canasta tonight with another couple who joined us. They all want to play tomorrow night after church, so I think we've hooked some more players! Dorothy would love to have played with us, but she was really tired after our community meal today. That was a great event, but it was a lot of work for all of us. We had lots of food left over, so we're going to have left overs for lunch at church tomorrow at noon. So, that it has all worked out very well and has been a fun and busy time. I thank God for lots of good people to distract and support me!

But, it's late and I've got to go get this hair washed and get to bed. Ahhhhhh; rest sounds sweet!

No excuses.

2011-12-09T22:09:00.003-06:00

This is the best I could come up with for tonight's picture. I'm tired. It's been a good day, but busy. The company is here and we're all headed to bed. Tomorrow is a really big day! We're fixing dinner for the whole town; only a couple hundred will come, but it's a start on the whole town.

Dorothy is spending the night with us. It's fun to have people in the house.

Thanks for keeping an eye on my. I thank God for good friends, near and far. You all keep me going and grounded. God bless.

This is what happens.

2011-12-08T22:57:00.003-06:00

When I don't spray my hair it goes flat and then every which way. Still, I only spray it a couple of times a week, so it mostly looks like this. Now, the fingers; that's another thing. I got a notice from the Department of Education today that my fingerprints have been rejected. When I had them printed 3 weeks ago the guy had a lot of trouble with them and he said I had barely any prints left. I had to go back to Altus to the jail to have them reprinted. They scanned them electronically and also printed them with ink. She said that it probably still wouldn't work and I'll probably have to go to Oklahoma City to have them done! Holy cow! I think I'll take up a life of crime; it's got to be more lucrative than teaching school. However, I can't begin to think how to rob a bank, and I have a clue how to teach school. The really wild thing is that I had my finger prints done years ago to get my securities license; why don't they still have those? It's only a piece of paper; I keep everything I've ever had, so one little piece of paper doesn't seem like too much! I'd think they'd keep finger prints they get on anyone in case that person ever commits a crime. Anyway, it's done and they'll go in the mail tomorrow.

Today I cleaned the whole house, so I'm beat. I thank God that I was able to do it. I didn't mop the floors and I didn't move all the furniture because I had done it really good and mopped last week. Normally, I'd have to do the hard floors and dust one day and then vacuum the next. Anyway, it was a big day for me and I'm so headed to bed. Sorry I'm so late with this!

Snickerfest.

2011-12-07T16:57:00.003-06:00

I thought I set the camera on the timer, but when I reached out to push the button, it took my picture! That picture looked like I was barfing, so I deleted it! But, then I set the timer and I was tickled because the first picture had been so goofy and this is the one I got. It's been a pretty good day, but I'm really not as happy as this picture looks. I was able to be legitimately tickled, though, so I'm using it.

Several things went right today. I was able to install a clothes line in the Florida Room and that pleases me no end. I love hanging clothes! I love not having to run the dryer, too, so that was a double pleasure. Plus I did something that worked right. I also altered my coat; the sleeves were way too long and the belt kept getting in my way. So I shortened the sleeves and I'm taking the belt loops off the coat tonight while I watch Survivor. I'm using the belt to add to the swim suit I bought when we were in Bella Vista. I have to add fabric to cover the places where I had radiation, so this belt matches perfectly. I've got that all pinned in place to stitch while I watch Survivor. So, Survivor is going to be a full page for me!

I'm all ready for church. I'll get the blog and my journal done, so I only have to come home and watch Survivor and sew. It feels good to be prepared! Usually it's more my style to be running late. I thank God for His help. I know today fell together right because of His direction.

Doris gave me "Grace for the Moment" by Max Lucado and today's thought goes like this: " . . . this life is not crowned with life, it is crowned with death. The next life, however, is different. Jesus urged the Christians in Smyrna to "be faithful, even if you have to die, and I will give you the crown of life."" I recall how relaxed Don's body was when he breathed his last breath. His face was noticeably relaxed and smooth. I like to think of his death as his crown as his soul stepped into no worries, no pain, no sadness and no tears. God will bless us, too; we just have to be faithful. Thank you, Doris, for this precious book of thoughts.

Peeking around the poinsettia and the Santas.

2011-12-06T21:12:00.002-06:00

I'm so enjoying this poinsettia and these Santas! Thanks to the Nessers, Mike and Don. It's a boost to see them every day. I'll have to move them to the living room tomorrow. I have them on the bar right by the sink, but I think they'll look nice in the living room and I've got company coming this weekend. I'll need the space on the bar, I think and they'll really look better in the living room. I'll decide, but I've sure enjoyed them right by the sink, so I may leave them.

Today I forgot to go sing at the nursing home. Drat; I'm sure I missed it more than they missed me, but I hate to miss something I really enjoy. I was just pulling together loose ends around here, but I totally lost track of even what day it was. I thought it was Wednesday! If I hadn't talked to Dorothy I'd probably have gone to church to an empty building. I sure need a keeper. Don was great to keep me on track. I hope I don't miss anything real important. I thank God for the years we shared and for the good care he took of me. Now, it's all up to God, but He knows what He's doing.

This cold spell is getting me in the mood to go on that cruise. I know why we liked to leave in the winter, now. This weather is making it all really clear to me! I'm glad I've got company coming this weekend. That will make this weekend interesting and warmer with the warmth of people. I will turn the heat up in the house, so it'll be warmer in here, too. When it's just me here, I hang tight with my buddies and keep the house really cool. (This is a lot of house to heat for just one little person. I'm experimenting to see how much I can save by turning the heat down.) I'm usually busy and layered up, so I keep pretty warm unless the buddies get cold on me.

So much for which to be thankful! I'm counting as I go to bed!

Group hug.

2011-12-05T22:02:00.002-06:00

Behind me on the table is a candle holder that is a 'group hug.' A candle sits in the middle of those guys sharing a group hug. Gretta gave that to me one year and I love it. We always have a group hug at our Itazuke reunions, so this reminds me of them. I want you to all join me in a group cyber hug right now. You all mean so much to me. It's a wonderful help and support to me to know that there are lots of people out there who really care about me. Sometimes I forget where I'm going, but I always come back to the blog. Tonight I was headed to bed and remembered that I hadn't posted yet! I think all day of things I will say, so sometimes I forget that I haven't really said them, yet. Wonder if that has to do with being 63 or is it more chemo brain. I know it's real, either way.

I thank God for lots of support in this world. I believe He gives you to me. It's one of the ways He shows up in my life. Thank you for working with Him.

It is really cold here. It was 30 most of the day with a wind chill factor of 17. That's cold! I stay inside as much as possible, but I had to get out to run some errands today.

I'll have to get gas in the van soon; ugh. I should have today, but I just wasn't braced for that cold. Today the smoke alarm started chirping, so I had to climb up on a stool and put a new battery in there. Another Don job. I managed that, so I guess I can pump the gas in the cold, too. If I could have him back, I'd be so glad to do all his jobs, but that option is not available. I'll just be thankful that he did them for so long and with such a happy spirit. I've been blessed.

A busy week ahead.

2011-12-04T20:26:00.002-06:00

Today has been interesting. A friend from church took me to a play in town , in which several kids we knew had parts. It was fun to watch them perform and they did great jobs. We had to go up a bunch of stairs to watch, though, and that was tough.

It's amazing how fast Sundays can get away from me. I did much better in church today and tonight than last week. Last Sunday I was right on the verge of tears the whole time. Today was better. This grief thing seems to sort of cycle and it is closely related to fatigue, so I do my best to stay rested. I loose track of time and forget things like sleeping and eating. Don used to keep me posted about when we needed to eat or sleep, so I fall off the wagon sometimes without his lead. I know I need to do better at all that and I'm going to watch for Don to give me clues about them like I believe he did about the Santas last night.

This will be a busy week form me. The church is doing a holiday meal for the whole town (all who will join us) this Saturday. I've signed up for prep on Thursday night and for prep, serving and clean up on Saturday. Also, we have a visiting preacher and his wife coming on Friday for the weekend, and they're going to stay here at the house. I love that! I will be busy, but busy is good for me. I thank God that I am able to help and that I have room for company. I've got food in the freezer, so it won't be a problem to feed company. I'm not out to impress anyone, just make them feel at home.

Everyone have a great week. Enjoy the season the best you can. God bless.

I'll spare you the long story.

2011-12-03T20:14:00.002-06:00

A really good friend carved these Santas for Don and I. For the last several years we haven't decorated for Christmas because we were either in Tijuana, Hawaii or Branson for Christmas. Every year we got out these Santas if we were here at all. So, yesterday when another friend sent this poinsettia, I thought the Santas would be nice near it. I went and got out the three that you see hanging from the bow; they were in the top drawer in the dining room and I didn't even think of the two that are standing. I just thought I had the Santas. Yesterday was the hardest day I've had. It seemed like everywhere I turned I'd run into something that threw me into a sobbing fit. I had even gone to a web site on grief and signed up for an online support group. Trish called to check on me and I couldn't hide from her that I was crying; I could hardly talk to her. We both cried for a while and then kind of talked ourselves out of it. While we were talking the screensaver took over the laptop and the pictures of the contents of the house that Don had taken for insurance on Sept. 1 started rolling. There was a picture of a drawer opened and there were those two standing Santas; I thought, "How did those Santas fade just since Don took those pictures?" As soon as I hung up from talking to Trish I went to look and see if there were more Santas; sure enough, there were those guardian Santas! I was elated, mind you on my worst day, ELATED! It felt to me like Don took me to those Santas. He always loved those Santas because they reminded him of our great friend and his incredible talent. I think he didn't want me to have a Christmas with only 3 of the collection of 5. I'll never forget that there are 5 Santas in that collection, again. It was the lift I needed. I don't know if it was Don that took me to those Santas or if it was God . . . maybe a joint effort . . . all I know is that it was the lift I needed. Today has been much brighter!

I hope if you click on the picture that the Santas will show up better. The hanging ones are really awesome, too, but they just don't show up as well as the painted ones do. It's a shame because they are all really pretty. The poinsettia is gorgeous. It was one of my mom's thrills and I love them, too. When Don and I were in Hawaii we loved how poinsettias grew in mass like daffodils and irises do here. This poinsettia with the Santas is the perfect Christmas decoration for me. No way I was going to get out our tree with all the memories that are on there. I thank our friends for providing for my Christmas decor and I thank God for friends who come to me with His love. I thank God for letting Don take me to the complete set of Santas. That seems so trivial, but I've sobbed over less and it's so nice to be elated instead of sobbing!

Ruthie told me how to laugh!

2011-12-02T17:41:00.004-06:00

Okay, I'm going to do better on the pics because Ruthie said I should think of the babies who laugh and won't quit; watching them makes me laugh every time. She's so right. I meant to find one on U-Tube to use when I'm taking pics, but all I had to do was think of it. Thanks, Ruthie!

Man, it's cold here, today. It's 38; that's cold for me. This is getting me ready for the cruise in January; I'm ready for some warm sunshine! I love it that God gives us lots of weather so that we can pick favorites and when the non-favorites get to us we can look forward to the favorites. When we had 113 this summer I was looking forward to relief, but I had more like 88 in mind. 38 is enough to make me wish for the 88, again. I'm not wishing for 113; that was too much! I'm grateful for heat and AC when we need it and variety is refreshing; it helps to make us grateful when the perfect days are here.

This is perfect weather for reading, in a warm bed, so that's what I'm going to do tonight. It's almost time to go do that! Woohoo! I never put on make up today, so I can't take a picture tonight, but I'll have a goody soon; friends sent a poinsettia today and it is gorgeous. I'll take a picture with it on Sunday or tomorrow if I put on make up. (If I took a picture without make up you'd all be worried about me; I need the Mabeline help!)

Back to school?

2011-12-01T21:15:00.002-06:00

Well, hardly. They haven't called me to sub, yet, but I did get a call to train to work at the polls for elections. We had training today and I enjoyed that. I think I'll really enjoy working the elections. Trouble is there are 3 events I will miss while I'm gone to Branson, but she said she'd get a sub for me if I'd take the appointment. Sure! I think it will be fun.

So, I spent the afternoon training. I also got spring break scheduled in Branson. So, some things are falling into place. I feel sure I accomplished something else this morning, but I can't remember what it was.

In my spare time (???) I'm reading a book that Ruthie sent to me. It's wonderful! It's "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23," by W. Phillip Keller. I am amazed at it. I always loved the 23rd Psalm, but this book puts it so much better into perspective. I read a little as I sit down to eat or just to relax and encourage me when I get stressed or way down into the dumps. This book is wonderful, as is my sister! She bought me my own copy so I can write in the margins and underline and highlight. I'm rough on books, but I'm so thrilled to have this one! I thank God for two awesome sisters who are holding my hand through the roughest time of my life.

Someone called.

2011-11-30T17:27:00.002-06:00

I had the timer set to take two pictures and the phone rang. That helped to get a better smile because I like talking to that person. Good thing it wasn't 'Rachel with cardholder services.' I hate that she calls all the time! I love it when my friends call; it helps with the loneliness to know that someone cares.

Tonight is church night. It's cold here and I'm making a couple of buddies to take to church with me. I always take 2; one for me and one for Dorothy. Other folks look pitifully cold, so I'm taking two more tonight. Buddies are an easy way to warm folks and let them know that I care, too.

After church I'll watch Survivor. It's my Wednesday night ritual. and it just dawned on me today that I missed last week because the kids were coming and I forgot all about watching it. I think I have it taped, so tonight I'll watch two shows and then go to bed early. I was up until 1:30 last night finishing the vacuuming and repairing some things. I'm slow, but I got it done. I went to bed thanking God for giving me the ability to clean the house and for giving me a warm place to live that is full of sweet memories. So, I'm ready for a good night's sleep tonight. I did take a nap this afternoon, so I'm plenty rested. It's just better to get it at night, I think.

Phony.

2011-11-29T17:56:00.002-06:00

If this smile looks phony, it's because it is. I'm doing my best to put up a good front, and sometimes I laugh and smile sincerely. When I'm in front of the camera it's really one of the saddest times, because I so wish Don was driving the camera!

Today was so hard. Dorothy and I went to the celebration of our friend's life. We are way over quota on celebrating lives of folks we'd sure love to have here. We had lunch together and we've been on the phone sharing memories. Another sweet widow (lost her husband 5 years ago) waited in the parking lot to make sure Dorothy and I were okay. Isn't that sweet? People are so kind and loving and I thank God for them. I believe it is Him showing up in ways in which we can relate.

My precious sister sent me an email today, knowing that I was facing a tough day. I thank God for her, too. She has taught me all my life; how to do everything from make up and hair to how to better serve God and wait patiently for Him. I have shared this with Dorothy and Jo Ann, already; thank you from all of us, Ruthie! Sissy will see it here! Here is the quote she shared:

"In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes

to all, and it often comes with bitter

agony. Perfect relief is not possible,

except with time. You cannot now believe

that you will ever feel better. But this

is not true. You are sure to be happy a-

gain. Knowing this, truly believing it,

will make you less miserable now. I have

had enough experience to make this state-

ment.____________Abraham Lincoln

Wear them out at Grammy's house.

2011-11-28T21:22:00.003-06:00

Gracie and Raynie had their baths and took a minute to snuggle with Daddy. They all passed out! That's how it works at Grammy's house! It was a precious visit, and I thank God that they wanted to come spend the holiday with me.

Rob took Don's place and said the prayers at our meals and they were precious. Thanks, Rob!

Tonight Dorothy and I went to the funeral home for visitation with the family of our friend who died on Thanksgiving night. It was hard for both of us; it was hard for everyone there. It's so hard coping with losing people you love so much and we've lost so many lately. Our friend, Frank, who survived his heart attack, was also able to be there. That had to be really freaky for him. He is so blessed to be alive and doing really well. I thank God for that!

I've been cleaning house today, and I thank God that I'm able to do that. It takes me several days to get it done, but I can do it!

2 pieces replaced!

2011-11-27T21:02:00.002-06:00

So, Gracie and I are not to be outdone. There were two pieces missing from this puzzle, so we made two more pieces and called it good. We built another memory that I will treasure; I hope she does!

They made it home fine, and I made it through the day okay. I'm changing beds and washing towels. Tomorrow I'll clean the floors and clean bathrooms, etc. Never know when someone might stop to visit, so I want to be ready. I thank God that Trish and Rob and 4 of their kids were able to come share Thanksgiving with me. It was a big job for them to keep me on track, but they did a great job.

I thank God that I can clean the house myself! I don't get it done right quickly, but I can get it done. I'm headed to a nice bath and then a good sleep in nice clean sheets. Yay! I think it's time for flannel sheets; it's cold here!

The puzzle tradition.

2011-11-26T16:45:00.002-06:00

The first puzzle we did was only 350 pieces. We did it so fast that we did this 1000 piece one next. It was fun with all those little tiny details. Something about working puzzles is very soothing for our family, so it's a good thing for us, especially now. We're working on the third one, right now; it's 500 pieces.

There is a Christmas tree lighting on the square tonight, but we're going to pass and stay at home because the wind is bitter and there's just no telling how cold it feels out there. We're doing sandwiches for supper and then we'll have popcorn and hot chocolate and be thankful that we have a warm place to be instead of out in that cold.

We're thanking God for family, health and safety. God is great!

RIP, Jerry McCannon

2011-11-25T21:31:00.003-06:00

When all else fails, candle out your ears. That was our philosophy today. This is Trish and Raynie standing by to support my ear candling.

I got up this morning and checked my Facebook, where I learned that another of our good friends had a heart attack and died last night! And I thought I was having a tough Thanksgiving. It's amazing that God makes our hearts so strong to take so much breaking! Jerry was only 62. He was another of our card playing friends, and a friend from church. I know I have a picture of him somewhere at the card table, but I don't have the energy to hunt for it. Jerry's service will be Tuesday. I'm so not liking this aging process; the perks are terrible for those of us who are left.

I thank God for family to hang tough with me. The kids have been such a blessing! Trish is a brick to stand by me and hug me when I crumble. She even fixed the bobbin loader on my sewing machine today! What a magic lady she is!

I pray that your Thanksgiving has been a happy one. Thank you for caring to keep up with me. Please, please, please don't miss an opportunity to be with the folks you love while you can!

Don't think for a minute that it's been all bad. Many friends have called to check on me today. I am richly blessed and I know it, but it's hard to climb up out of the hole I fall into every now and then. Thanks for all you folks who give me a hand!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T21:50:00.003-06:00

Trish and I did this puzzle today after dinner. It was tricky holding it up for the picture without it falling all to pieces! We've started another, already.

After dinner Trish and I took Grace and Raynie to Exploration Station. It was a nice, warm day, so it was a fun thing to do. This has been a busy day, but a good time to be thankful for many, many blessings.

Life is tough. I've learned that we must not miss any opportunities. This last June when we came back from the family reunion we didn't stop to see a friend in Arkansas because we thought we were tired and we'd do it next year. Next year Don won't make that trip. I get sick when I think of things like that. I know why people say that people shouldn't make any major decisions after they lose a spouse; because the person left is not able to think clearly and perspective is all out of whack. I wonder if I'll ever get things straight. I have to trust God to get me straight; I don't mean to be lazy, but I just am not capable without His direction. Foolishly, when I was a kid I thought it would be so wonderful to be grown. It's always been hard to be grown in one way or another. Even after I was grown I thought it would be nice to be old and settled. The kids think I've been old a long time, but I've been pretty busy and had some tough stuff to go through even at this age. Now, it's worse than ever. The mistake was in thinking that it would be better later; I think we should always be content with whatever our circumstances and give thanks for the blessings in it. That's a great sermon; now I've got to work on living it!

Oh, man!

2011-11-23T18:14:00.003-06:00

Today has been tough! I'm glad we don't know the future. It's all I can do to make it through each day as it comes. Everything I touched today set me into a sobbing fit. I'm going through the motions I'd go through if Don were here and everything reminds me that he's NOT here. I don't know any other way to do Thanksgiving, though. I didn't realize it, but I guess I do things differently most of the time, so it's not so obvious that he's not here, normally. I imagine there will be lots more times like this and they just sneak up and take me by surprise.

I did get a sweet letter from my sister, Ruthie, today. Enclosed in it was the program from our friend Tom Martin's memorial service. His wife is Jane and his mother-in-law is Dot, who are both readers and sometimes posters on this blog. I cried all the way through it, but inside it was a beautiful poem that Jane found on Tom's desk, titled, 'If Tomorrow Starts Without Me.' Oh, Lord, help me! That's all I can say, because God is the only one who can help me through this. Of course He sends precious people to do His chores and you DO help. Trish just called and they are on their way. They'll be here about 8:30, I imagine. They will be sunshine to a dark day. I hope I can get my face straight for them.

Don's mom and dad built this house and the whole family used to come here every Thanksgiving. I was a military brat and we always went home to my grandparents house between assignments, but all those old home places have been gone for years. My mom and dad are gone. When Don's dad died and it was time to sell his house, I told Don that this was more home to me than any place in the world because we had come here with the whole family for so long. Then we had lived here for the last several years. So, we bought it. I'm not sorry; it was home to me, but it's pretty empty without Don here. Oh, it's full of stuff, but the heart that is left here is broken. It'll be better tonight when the kids get here.

The food is all prepared. The dressing is mixed and I will cook it tomorrow, as well as the gravy. It will smell good and taste good. We will give thanks for this family home, for our food and health, for the love we've shared for all our lives, for Don and all the years we had with his love and example and for the new memories we are building. May God bless you with health, happiness and safety this Thanksgiving.

Quiet today.

2011-11-22T20:52:00.002-06:00

But, not for long! Tomorrow Trish and company will be coming! I'm excited about them coming. I love this house and have lots of memories here, but some of the best memories are the ones from over the years when this house was full of family. Tomorrow this house will be throbbing with people, again. This house was built for family! It's funny; a couple of times Mason has said, "What's it like around here when we're not here?" It is way different, that's for sure! It's quiet and I love that, too. But, I really love it when the family comes and the house is throbbing with people and love. I thank God for a wonderful home, for a wonderful family and for wonderful memories. Today a good friend on Facebook (Erin) told me to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and to enjoy the new memories. I thank God for Erin, too!

Tomorrow will be filled with cooking. Trish and company will get here around 8. I really can hardly wait!

Plans are taking shape for winter and spring. It feels good to have some plans made. I think I need some structure. Thank you for keeping up with me and for your support and love. God Bless!

Happy birthday, Gabe!

2011-11-21T20:48:00.002-06:00

Our very own "Ozzy!" Do you watch Survivor? One of the Survivor heroes of all time is Ozzy, who can climb trees, swim, and conquer all the wilds. Our Gabe is much like Ozzy! If there is a lizard or salamander he'll catch it. No tree is out of his league. That's Gabe up in that tree on the right. Mason (Gabe's mimic) is going up the tree in the middle and he made it nearly as high as Gabe did. When I got scared about Gabe getting down I insisted Mason come down! Fuddy dud old Grammy! They both made it down just fine! Gabe turned 17 today. I am so proud of him; he's such a fun guy and has such a good heart. Love you, Gabey!

This will be a challenging Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has always meant so much to our family. When Don's mom and dad lived in this house the whole family would come every Thanksgiving to celebrate. This house has always been more home to me than anyplace, because we always came here. As a military brat there was never any place that I always went to any more than this house. To have Thanksgiving without Don's body here will be emotional, but I know his spirit will be with us. He lives on in all of us and in our memories. I thank God for the many Thanksgivings we shared; and he and I were thankful for every other day besides Thanksgiving, too. We were blessed and I thank God for blessing us.

Gabe won't be here for this Thanksgiving, either. He is going to his other Grandpa's house so they can go hunting. I understand that, and I'm going to pretend that Don is hunting with them. As far as I know Don never went hunting in his life, but I need to pretend that he's with Gabe. :) Maybe I'll just pretend that he's gone to the store for something and will be right back. The facts are tough, so I'll hang with pretending right now.

The Widows' Dance?

2011-11-20T22:29:00.002-06:00

Well, it looks like we're dancing! Actually, I had to set the timer on the camera and then run back to get into the picture. Dorothy was just grabbing me to get me in there with her. We do have so much fun; it's our own kind of dance. I guess it's our way of dancing in the rain. I thank God for her; she's sure a joy to know! Together we laugh and together we cry; we are definitely on the same page!

Today after church Dorothy came home with me and we ate beans and cornbread. After I took her home I came home and stuck the turkey into the oven. After church tonight it was done, so I've got it all sliced and ready to eat this week. I'll put it into the freezer and it will be a simple thaw on Thursday.

I've got to wash the pans, and then I'm going to bed. I was tired from cleaning the turkey, so I came in here to rest a bit while I write the blog. I'm sure glad I got this turkey done ahead. I'd hate to be this tired when everyone is here!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week; if you travel, please be safe. When you see your family hug them close and enjoy the time with them! I'm thankful for YOU!

God has a plan for me.

2011-11-19T21:52:00.003-06:00

This picture was about 3 weeks ago when I went to a friend's wedding. It was a wonderful wedding and very different than what we usually see, so that was a good thing for me. If it hadn't been so interesting, I probably would have had a really hard time. I was lucky that another friend went in at the same time that I did and his wife was helping their daughter buy a suit for interviewing (she's about to get her masters she was interviewing for an internship, which she got). So, we sat together and it was nice to have a companion.

Today I've gotten some loose ends tied up, so I feel good about today. I'm ready for a good night's sleep and braced for it to turn cold tomorrow. I made a pot of beans today and Dorothy is coming for beans and cornbread (from the freezer) after church tomorrow. We have a visiting preacher from Colorado, so it will be a full day tomorrow, too. I've listened to Joel Osteen some more tonight and he is so good for me. I thank God for all the blessings in my life and I look forward to whatever God has in store for me.

We call it the Hodge eye.

2011-11-18T17:44:00.002-06:00

I think I took this about a week ago. I wasn't sick, but my Hodge eye is sure showing. My dad's daddy had a noticeably smaller eye and he was mostly sick with emphysema for all the years that I knew him. When he got pneumonia and with years it got more noticeable. Ruthie and Jim and I all had it. I remember Mom used to say, "Your Hodge eye is showing!" That worried her because she thought we were getting sick. Maybe I was just tired last week, or maybe I was fresh off a sob session. One day THIS week, I thought I was coming down with a cold. I took a Nyquil and went to bed early, I was so convinced. I took 3,000 mg of Vitamin C every time I ate anything and drank Colloidal Silver water. The next day I woke up fine. I continued the Vitamin C and Silver water for another day, but I've had no more problems. I did replace the Nyquil with antihistamines in case it was allergies. Anyway, I thank God that I have NOT been sick and that I can see even if my eye is little. Maybe it's just my age showing. I never minded having a Hodge eye, though. It marks me as one of us and it is an indicator when things are askew. I wonder if that other eye is my Fox eye, since Mom was a Fox? I used to call her a foxy lady and it made her smile. Precious memories.

Today I sewed. I put new elastic in a pair of pants for Dorothy and I made a couple of rice buddies for a couple at church. They were singing with me Wednesday night and I came in with a couple of my buddies. It was really cold, so I offered them one to warm up their hands. I thought they might fight over it! Just kidding; they wouldn't do that, but they sure did like the warmth. She asked me how I made them and I said I'd just make them one. So, I made one for each of them, today. I really think everyone should have a buddy when it's cold!

I ran across a whole bunch of old pictures today. I sat down and spent about an hour going through all of them. Many, many precious memories. I left them out so the kids can enjoy them when they come next week. These were all pictures we'd taken since we moved here 15 years ago, but I hadn't looked at them in over 5 years. I loved the pictures and the memories, but, of course I cried. Over that 15 years our grandkids have been through so many great stages. It was great to relive those wonderful years.

I had lint and threads all over me from the sewing, so it reminded me that I needed to clean the floors. So, I got that done. I've had a very full day, so I'm headed to a bath and bed.

It's a lonely smile.

2011-11-17T18:01:00.002-06:00

Don used to take pictures for me and he always made me laugh. I have to pretend, now, when I set the timer and nobody is taking a picture, let alone making me laugh. It's a whole new world. I wrote down something someone said that I keep: "Quit mourning over something you can't change; step into something new." I imagine it was Joel Osteen and I have a lot of respect for him. So far, I'm into something new, but it's not anything I'm liking so much. I pray each day that I will adjust and do better. I know that God left me here to do something positive and make a good difference, so that's my goal. I think I'm mostly striking out, but I'm training and intend to get better and better at this.

Trish and Rob and some of their kids are coming here for Thanksgiving. So, that gave me the incentive to go grocery shopping today. The turkey is in the fridge, thawing and I'll cook it Sunday. I'll slice it and put it in the freezer, so that part will be done when they get here. I'll make the dressing on Wednesday and pies. The rest will fall into place. I chopped up all the celery and onions today, so that's ready to put into the dressing. I made a big dish of quiche, so we'll have breakfast for one day ready. (I'll put it in the freezer, too.) It seems like I did a lot more today, but it doesn't take much to tire me. Anyway, I was busy and I'm tired and have a smile on my face. It's nice to look forward to people coming. I thank God for wonderful people in my life and the ability to cook for them. I am richly blessed.

Garrett at the dam.

2011-11-16T18:33:00.003-06:00

Wild! Scampering around on these rocks didn't bother Garrett a bit, but he did NOT like being on the edge! Anything up is scary to me; I just respect it all and do my best to stay in control of where my body goes. I thank God for all the beauty He has given us to explore. I love it when it's still so natural as it is at the refuge.

My body went to sing at the nursing home tonight. I love to do that and I thank God that I could hit some notes tonight. Sometimes my voice doesn't cooperate and there were only 3 of us for a while and then 4 after another lady joined us. A few from the nursing home gather and sing along with us, too. They are precious people and it brightens my life to be able to brighten their day sometimes. I should have someone take a picture of us sometime when we go, so you'll know kind of what it's like.

Tonight is mid week Bible study and then I'll come home and watch Survivor, which I tape. Then it'll be an early night to bed, I hope. I got all my teaching papers submitted today, so it'll be interesting to see how long it takes them to certify me and call me to work. I'd better make a plan and be ready in case they call soon.

A visit with Frank at HOME!

2011-11-15T16:31:00.002-06:00

We got to Frank's and Jo Ann's house last night just as Jo Ann was getting out of the shower, so she took the picture for us since here hair was in a towel! Their daughter, Kristy is standing right behind Frank and Dorothy is holding his hand. Frank looks so good. I'm so happy that they are home and I know they enjoyed a good night in their own bed! I talked to Jo Ann a few minutes ago and she said she was surprised she could sleep laying down (after sleeping in a chair that sort of folds out for four nights!). Praise God that Frank survived this heart attack. She said they even went to the coffee shop today! Kristy will go home in the morning, so they'll be on their own, but they can handle it.

I worked all day on my (teaching) licensing process. Good grief; I feel like I'm in college, again, filling out all these papers. It's all pretty baffling, but I made it through college, so surely I can make it through this. I taped Dancing with the Stars last night since I was out fingerprinting, so I'm going to watch it tonight and then the live show. Then I'm crashing. I'm tired from all this thinking!

Garret, in my heart!

2011-11-14T16:40:00.003-06:00

Garrett is way more agile than me, so he could climb up onto this rock. I would love to have climbed up there, but there was no stool and nobody to give me a boost. All of our kids who have been to this rock have climbed up onto it. I'm taking my kitchen stool next time so I can climb up there, too. Greedy little Grammy; that's me. I want every bit of the energy from this rock and I want to sit right in the heart, too!

Today I've been working on my papers for subbing. Tonight I have to go to Altus to have my fingerprints taken. They'll take a chemo brain, but they're not having a crook or a pervert. Sweet Dorothy said she'd go with me so I wouldn't have to drive by myself in the dark. I said, "But, you can't see in the daylight!" She said, "I know, but there is strength in numbers!" Isn't she a dear? We're going to leave before dark and stop and see Frank and Jo Ann, who should be home from the hospital by then. Hooray! Then we'll have to come home in the dark. It's not a big deal; I just don't like driving in the dark. I do lots of things I don't like, so this will just be another one and it will be behind me. I thank God for Dorothy, who will go with me for support. I thank God that Frank is able to come home, too! They'll get to sleep in their own bed tonight and I know that will be wonderful!

I'm taping Dancing With the Stars and we'll watch it tomorrow. Off I go to prove I'm not a thug.

Another broken heart.

2011-11-13T21:32:00.002-06:00

No, the heart rock didn't break. This picture is one Garrett took of me last week when we went to the heart rock, a favorite of our family. It represents lots of great memories to us.

I got word today that the husband of one of Don's classmate's passed away on 11-11-11. I know how broken she is and it's so difficult. I'm going to have to grow up to this tough reality of life. I thought childbirth was a tough reality, but it was a piece of cake bringing a child into the world, as opposed to giving up someone who is leaving this world. RIP, John Swinney, wonderful husband to Gretchen Braun.

Also, one of Dorothy's long time friend's passed away this morning. RIP Mel Jackson. I knew Mel, but only through Dorothy and Mel's cousin June Lyde, who was my best friend in Hobart until she died a few years ago. This has been a tough day for Dorothy and I, but we survived it.

We both forgot that it was the fellowship dinner at church today, but I ran home between Sunday School and church and grabbed a meatloaf and a cake that were in the freezer and took them for dinner. I felt like we needed the fellowship today if we ever did! I'm glad we stayed; it was good for us. I thank God for good friends who can pull us through the hard times. I believe He sends them!

That heart rock is solid through all of Oklahoma's winds and all our heart aches. The love of God is that solid, too, and more! He tells us to love and He IS LOVE. This heart rock says a lot to me and it's a treasure to me every time we go to see it.

Oklahoma winds!

2011-11-12T20:15:00.003-06:00

Garrett and I were up on the top of Mount Scott and the wind was blowing 40-50 mph. I had to hold my shirt down! It's always windy up there. The first time I went up there I was still wearing glasses and I had to hold them to keep them from blowing off my head! It's a beautiful view, though and it was great to build a memory with Garrett. He and I have great fun; he's a blessing to me and I thank God for him!

Today I was able to get the weeds sprayed. I hope it gets a good kill and it takes care of them for me until spring. The wind got to blowing after I started so I may have killed more than I intended to kill. We'll see. At this point, I really don't care as long as the weeds go!

I also got the fax machine to work today. I got 35 pages sent to Don's stock broker, so I can get all my paperwork done with them much quicker than going through snail mail. That was a relief! Thanks to Robert for letting me send a test fax to him yesterday. It feels good to have accomplished two things, today.

Wow; two months ago today is the day Don had his heart attack and stroke. I still can't believe it. People say it gets better, but I guess not this soon. A lot of water has gone under the bridge in the last two months, though. I'm still stunned. I thank God that He cares for me. The kids keep a pretty close eye on me and Trish has taken me on like I'm one of her kids. Many people check on me and I know they care. I'm richly blessed and I thank you for caring and reading.

11-11-11

2011-11-11T20:36:00.003-06:00

How can I not mention this date. Wow! It's a really cool one. I'm not staying up until 11:11 to celebrate it, though. I'm going to go to bed early and sleep through 11:11 to celebrate it! Today I did a ton of paper work and I'm so ready for bed!

This picture is one of Garrett at the top of the 40 foot hole. Notice how he's hanging onto that rock! (Look back a couple days and notice that I had my hand on the rock for balance, but Garrett is GRIPPING it the best he could.) He's a little afraid of heights, so being that close to the edge was not his comfort zone. I wasn't crazy about it, either. In fact we came back the way longer way to keep from walking along the edge. It was a great hiking day and a wonderful memory. I thank God for Garrett to share it with me!

Frank is doing better and better! He was up walking around today! Wow! I'm so thrilled and thank God that he could live through this heart attack! Thank you all for praying for him. When Dorothy and I went in to see him, she said, "Oh, Frank, I 've been praying so hard for you, and it's working!" She is such a dear!

Oh, Frank!

2011-11-10T19:04:00.004-06:00

In the back: Don, Frank and Jo Ann; in the front is David and Dorothy. This picture was taken on May 7th, when we were all out at Jo Ann's and Frank's house to play cards. David passed away on September 1; Don passed away on September 15. Today Frank had a heart attack, but he is ALIVE! He was air evacuated to Lawton and they put 2 more stints into his heart where the last stint was 100% blocked. Dorothy and I drove there today because we just had to go. We couldn't do anything for them, but we had to see them. It was difficult, though. It was like going through it all, again, with Don. But, Frank was very alert and doing so well. He was laughing and talking. I believe he will be okay. This is the 2nd time he's had to be air evacuated to Lawton with a heart attack! I guess he's pretty good at it because he looks great and they think he'll be able to go home in 3 or 4 days. They want to monitor him and see how much damage was done to his heart. I thank God for his life!

It was so hard to drive to Lawton and home. Don always did that drive. I didn't expect to think of that as I made the drive today, but it was so in my face! I think of all the times I slept and I could have been awake and talking to him. Don't waste time like that with your loved ones! Anyone can have a heart attack and die; be sure you tell everyone you love that you love them and hug them! When they're gone, you'll wish you could have another hug!

At the top of the 40 foot hole.

2011-11-09T15:26:00.003-06:00

Garrett took this picture of me at the top of the 40 foot hole. That doesn't seem like much to some folks, but around here it's mostly flat land. Actually, the cliff is the odd thing; it drops off into a creek that is 40 feet below, though. It was very dry, so Garrett and I climbed around down in the bottom and were able to cross the creek. Then we climbed up to the top and took this picture. I could never have done it without TWO hiking sticks; what a huge help they are! Garrett and I both loved the hike and we hope to get to go, again, when he comes the next time. The wind was blowing at 40-50 mph, so it was a nice cool hike; I was glad for my jeans and jacket!

Today I got some details corrected. That's good. I love marking things off my list. I also sunned for an hour and 20 minutes. That's all I could take. It was 60 degrees, and that would have been great, but the wind made it pretty chilly, even though I had my rice buddies with me. I hope and hour and 20 minutes got enough Vit. D for me; it's all I could do.

Church tonight and then Survivor before bed. I've done my back and hip treatments, so I'm god for today. Ah . . . I thank God for a simple day with some successes and no real technical irritations. My email is working, again. ??? I can only give thanks; can't figure it out at all!

Safe!

2011-11-08T22:09:00.004-06:00

This picture was taken about 6 blocks from our house, looking to the north. That's too close for comfort. I didn't see this; I was in the basement! Someone took it and put it on Facebook and I captured it there. This is why I love the basement! I thank God for a safe place to go when the weather it like it was yesterday! I thank Him that the house was still here when we came up from the basement, too! For a while we literally wondered if it would be there because it was so loud. Normally, we can't hear a thing when we're in the basement; I really wondered if the house had blown off the foundation and we were hearing the rain and wind. It turned out that it was so loud because it was hailing. I wonder if there was roof damage; I never thought to look at that today! I thank God that Dorothy came to share the night with me, too. She made it fun and we decided to have slumber parties even if there is no storm!

Tonight I spoke at the ladies' salad supper and it went well, I think. My voice broke and I teared up some, but I never broke into sobs. The ladies were kind and loving and they seemed to appreciate the studies I shared with them. My purpose has become very interesting to me, and I find in the Bible that it is to do good things that bring praise to God. I also shared that we are to let our light shine and it shines so much better when we all are together shining. I illustrated that by turning out all the lights and lighting a candle and then lighting each of their candles until we had a good light in the room. I hope points were made that will stick with them. Certainly I got the most from the study I did in preparing for the devotion. I also emphasized the beatitudes where we are promised that those who mourn will be comforted and blessed. I thank God for his blessings and for having a purpose for me!

Quick Post.

2011-11-07T14:31:00.003-06:00

This picture is one the timer caught of Dorothy and I as we headed out to go get Garrett last Friday. Today we are together, again. They are predicting severe weather for us and possibly tornadoes, so she came to spend the night with me. The thunder is rumbling, so I'm about to shut down the computers. We'll head to the basement if it gets scary or if the siren sounds. Right now she's napping.

It was a bizarre hot summer; then we had those earthquakes over the weekend. Now, they say severe weather, so we're bracing for whatever may happen. God is good; we'll be fine, but we have to do our part. God bless and I'll be back tomorrow!

Happy birthday, Gretta!

2011-11-05T22:08:00.001-05:00

Garrett and I celebrated Gretta's birthday today by going to the refuge and climbing around for several hours! We are both sore as can be, but it was fun!

I'm headed to power plate and NUBAX to give my back some relief. Then it's bath and bedtime! I thank God for Garrett this weekend; he's been a great support. I thank God for Gretta, too! It's amazing how time flies; she's my baby!

A new memory at the refuge.

2011-11-05T21:09:00.004-05:00

Garrett and I survived a day at the refuge; it was wonderful but we are both very sore. Here I was holding the camera on a rock in hopes the timer would catch us before the camera was blown off the rock. The wind was blowing at 40-50 mph; I'm surprised my hair wasn't standing up straight! God gave us safety and lots of wonder. It was a great day!

Today we went to church and then took Dorothy with us to the Future Teachers Association fund raiser dinner. (I think they are not future teachers, anymore, but whoever they are they have a great fund raiser diner!) It was fun to see lots of people from the community and share Garrett with them.

Starting tonight we're supposed to get some rugged weather. We'll get rain, which will be good and welcomed, but also storms and maybe tornadoes. So, I told Dorothy she should come spend the night with me, so she'll be here to go down to the basement with me if necessary. She agreed, so we're planning a slumber party tomorrow night. We had 6 earthquakes from 2 a.m. on Saturday until 10 p.m. last night. We felt 2 of them and one made Oklahoma history; it was a 5.6. So, we're a little creeped out with strange weather and geographical things happening. I'm glad to have the basement for tomorrow! God will see us through this, but I may not have power tomorrow night. If I don't show up on the blog, just know we're out of power for a while.
(Spell checker won't work; hope this isn't too full of errors!)

Down comes Gracie!

2011-11-04T21:09:00.002-05:00

This is a picture of Gracie coming down the pole at Exploration Station. She could also climb UP that pole! I tell you they are MONKEYS! I thank God for their health and agility! They are blessed and so am I!

Today was very full. I started out going to a birthday party for an 82 year old friend. Then I volunteered to sell snacks at the elementary school. (Gave me a sneak peak in case I decide to sub.) Then I went and got Dorothy and brought here home with me for lunch. Then the two of us went and got Garrett about an hour from here. So, Garrett is here for the weekend. We're going hiking at the refuge tomorrow! We're both excited about that! Watch for pictures of our adventure!

Good night. God bless!

Garrett is coming for the weekend!

2011-11-03T16:42:00.003-05:00

I took this picture off of Facebook, so it may not enlarge for you. It's the best I can do with it. I just wanted a current pic of Garrett. This is taken in his ROTC uniform. He called me last night to see if he could come spend the weekend with me. What a blessing! I will be so glad to have him here!

Maybe he can fix my email? He's quite the computer whiz. I can surf and I can receive and send email from web mail, but I'd sure rather use Windows mail. I've had trouble with it previously, and it seems to fix itself after a day or two. Maybe it will fix itself; nothing I do seems to help!

Today has been a day of struggles. I've fought with the tax people, but finally got some straight answers. Man, I have to stand so tall, and I hate doing that! (I'd like to BE tall, but from 5' it's such an effort to stand tall.) I thank God that I can, though, when I have to do it. I struggled with the email and it's still winning. I sold some stocks, so I feel good about that. I need to get away from that unknown black hole before I fall into it!

I'm getting ready to put my tennis shoes on and grab my walking poles and go out and have a stomp. I need to unload some stress. I'd better go before it gets too cool and dark. I may just make it around the little street that cuts off our street. I just need to stomp. Maybe I need to get some nails and name then and then hammer them good. I'll keep that as a back up if the stomp doesn't get the job done.

More of the monkeys.

2011-11-02T18:26:00.003-05:00

This is Sadie sliding down the pole. All the kids can come down this pole in a flash, so it's a wonder I could catch her in action. They can also climb UP it. They're all just pretty awesome! If you ever have any doubt about any of our grandkids, just ask their grammy! :)

Today has been a better day. I stayed up and listened to Joel Osteen on the Internet for 3 hours last night. I think he gave me a boost I needed. I was searching for a particular lesson, but I enjoyed hearing all I heard in my search. Tonight I'll go to bed as soon as I watch Survivor after church. It's COLD here, tonight. We had a front come through and the wind is blowing something awful. Ugh. I thank God I have plenty of clothes to layer up in and good warm buddies. Of course I have heat, but I'm frugal with it. This is a big house to heat, so I've got it set on 65; I may weaken and move it up to 70, but it's chilly right now.

I got the AT&T bill paid today; they were fine with my name today. Duh. I got some tax questions answered, too. Little by little I move forward and that's good. I went out and gave Dorothy a good haircut today and rolled it for her. I'm anxious to see her tonight and see how it looks. She's coming Friday to have lunch with me. We'll enjoy beans and cornbread left over from when the kids were here (I put it in the freezer.). I'll get a picture of us that day.

On a good day . . .

2011-11-01T20:33:00.002-05:00

On a good day, I can smile like in this picture. This was on Sunday after all the folks were here for lunch. I felt good.

Today I went to talk to the Education Department about subbing. I got an application and numbers to call about my teaching certificate. I got all that done and have typed the letter to ask for my teaching certificate from 40 years ago when I taught. Good grief, that makes me sound old! And, I'm thinking of teaching, now??? I might be crazy. We'll see how complicated it gets. It kind of made my heart beat when I started the process, though. I wonder if I could get excited about teaching, again. I seriously doubt it, but my heart did go pitter-patter for a minute.

Then I talked to the tax people and got all upset. I really believe they tax us just to keep us under their thumbs. The money isn't going to get us out of debt and they just keep spending money we don't have, so robbing us isn't going to make things better. Don't let me get started. Anyway, the tax guy I was talking to was a bozo and didn't know what he was talking about. He got me off the phone, though. I called back later, hoping to get someone else and they gave me the same guy! He admitted he didn't know the answers to my questions so he said he'd talk to his supervisor and call me tomorrow. So, I sobbed. I was just so frustrated. It's really bad when I know more than the tax guy! Don always handled the taxes.

Then I called AT&T and talked to their robot for a while and waited on hold for even longer. After about 2 hours on the phone, mostly waiting, I gave up and went to their web site where the robot says it's easy. Sure. I got onto a chat with a guy there who wanted to make it a great day for me; he admitted he couldn't help me because he has limited access. So, I used my last bit of energy to tell them that I lived 50 years before I had Internet access and I can live the rest of my life without it, too. I was attempting to pay my bill with my credit card and they told me the wrong name was on the card. DUH. It's the same card we've paid our bill with for years and I think I know my own name after 63 years with it. It was nothing to make me sad, but it doesn't take much to bring me to sobs. I had plenty today. If Don were here he'd be handling this stuff and if I was, at least I could whine to him and he would agree with me that they are idiots and scumbags. So, you have to read about it because I have to vent.

So, yes, there is life after breast cancer. Real life, with ups and downs. I'm in the downs right now, but God gives me ups, too. He gives me the strength to make it through the downs. I'm counting on that and I thank Him for it. I thank Him for you, who care; it means so much to me.

Two days in a row!

2011-10-31T21:04:00.002-05:00

I took this last night on my way to church. I'm getting pretty good with the timer on the camera, but it doesn't make me laugh like Don did when he was taking the pictures. I miss him so much! This has been the second day in a row that I haven't burst into sobs. I thank God for 2 days in a row that I could keep a straight face.

I'm going to go to bed early and hope the rest will get me started on another good day tomorrow. I've got my rice buddies already warming the bed. I'm heating another set that I'll put into the 'cooler' so they'll be warm when I get up in the middle of the night. I won't have to take time to warm the buddies! I'm getting creative.

Tomorrow is a busy day. I'm going to go to the school and talk to them about subbing. I think I won't sub this year, but I'll see what I have to do to to get re-certified. It's just good to have all my bases covered and be prepared in case I want to sub or teach. I don't think I really want to teach, but who knows?

She can skip THREE rings!

2011-10-30T22:58:00.002-05:00

This is Gracie skipping 3 rings. She is such a good monkey! I love that smile, too!

Today went really well. Bill preaches at Roosevelt, but Olya and the girls came to Hobart for church with their friends Sonia and Joseph Rhodes and their son, Mason. Joseph and Sonia are missionaries in Russia and they come here every 2 years, so it was good to see them. They all came home with Dorothy and I for lunch and Bill joined us here, too. It was a wonderful time of visiting and I thank God for more great memories.

At church tonight we had our 5th Sunday singing and it was good. Afterwards, I visited with a friend for a long time and that was good for me. Here I am up late, again! But, it's been a better day. No sobbing today. I cried some, but no sobbing. I'm making marks and this is my second day of no sobbing (not in a row). So, I think this could be good. I like not sobbing better than sobbing, but I think the sobbing must be something that is somehow good for me. You know, like they say crying is good for babies because it develops their lungs. Maybe my lungs need help? Maybe it's good for my heart; I know it needs help!

A family of loving behavior.

2011-10-29T21:34:00.002-05:00

Trish has 6 kids and they greet each new one with welcome and love. This is a picture of Gracie helping Raynie 'learn to skate' in MY roller blades. They play with these every time they come. Grace is pretty good, now! The cool thing is that she wants to share it with Raynie. Just like helping her on the rings. They all amaze me how they look after each other and really function as a team and loving family. I love these pictures! (By the way, I have NO business on roller blades. I've had these for years and only had them on about 3 times. I only keep them because the kids have so much fun with them. I am way to rickety to roller blade these days! Can't you just see me roller blading with walking poles!)

Today has been busy. I cleaned the whole house and made a pie for tomorrow's dinner. The dinner is mostly ready except for a casserole I'll make in the morning before church. We'll grab rolls on our way to church (I go get Dorothy and take her.) I'm all set. Now, I just have to go get a bath, wash my hair and hit the clean sheets. That used to be fun with Don, but there's nobody to appreciate it with me. I guess they'll last two weeks; I can sleep on my side for a week and then sleep on his side for a week. That will cut my sheet changing chores in half; that's a good thing. Wonder what will happen when the memory foam feels me on his side instead of him. Nothing happened when Trish, Gretta or Terri slept over there. I guess that memory foam is very forgiving; maybe it's happier to have a smaller person there? Don had gotten pretty small; he was down to 184 the last time he weighed here. I thank God that he was healthy until right at the last; that was certainly his dream. God is taking good care of him, now; he doesn't have any worries and no pain or tears. Wow; that's a happy ending for him.

A family of monkeys. :)

2011-10-28T22:09:00.002-05:00

Precious monkeys, that is! This is Gracie encouraging Raynie across the rings. She lifted her up there and turned her loose! Raynie has no fear and can do anything the bigger kids do. Amazing!

We went back to Exploration Station today, but this picture is from last week. Trish and I got a lot more accomplished today. It's been a huge help to have them here. I keep plugging and I'll make it.

I read some stuff about the stages of grief today. It said it's likely I will cry for 2 months and maybe longer. I hope I can stop soon. I made it through yesterday without sobbing and haven't sobbed today, but I bet I'll sob tomorrow when there's nobody here to stress over me. I know I need it. Some good sobs will shape me up and brace me for a bit. I'm kind of hooked on it. I guess it's better than boozing and drugging. They say if I take to drugs and booze I'm in trouble. No sweat; I'm not even tempted to do that. If it's okay to sob, then I'm in good shape, I guess.
The final stage is acceptance. I must be a hundred years from there. God will take care of me, though. I have the checkbook to prove it. :) (Remember, that was my sign and I'm clinging to it!)

They give me smiles and warm my heart!

2011-10-27T23:29:00.003-05:00

This picture was taken last week when the kids were here and we were at Exploration Station. Thank God for they precious little hearts and spirits! They keep a smile on my face most of the time. We hope to go to Exploration Station tomorrow if it's not too cold. Right now they are passed out asleep, waiting for Trish and I to go to bed. We're both catching up on the Internet.

We've been pretty busy all day, so we've got catching up to do. We got a lot done, so it's been a big help to me. We've got a lot more to do tomorrow, but things are beginning to take shape.

I haven't sobbed all day! I think this is the first day of no sobbing, so maybe I'm turning a corner of sorts? We'll see. I had to turn heat on today, so certainly I'm turning that corner! Brrrrrrr. It's supposed to warm up this weekend, so I'll be glad to see that.

Blowing and going.

2011-10-26T16:26:00.002-05:00

This is a picture of the kids at the park, Exploration Station, here in Hobart. They are all incredible monkeys! You see Mason in the background on the left, obviously on the run. Sadie had put Raynie up on the monkey bars and she'd made it to the end and needed help to get down. Grace was right there to help her and Sadie jumped to the job, too. They are an amazing family to play so well together and look after each other. Gabe wasn't in this picture, but I'm sure he was somewhere timing Mason as he ran through his assigned course. These pictures bring back great memories for me. I sat there and cried as I watched them because Don used to lift them up to the monkey bars and push them in the swings. Everything, even the happy times are so sad. I don't know how I will ever get past this, but it must happen somehow. God promises comfort and blessing to those who mourn. No doubt I am blessed. Comforting me is tough, but God can do it. I know He will take care of me; I just have to be willing to follow Him and trust Him.

My Internet has been running perfectly yesterday and today. Now, two new modems arrived by UPS! I called to ask what to do with them and they said to go online after 8 tonight and register and then send them back tomorrow. Now, there's no telling what will happen when I attempt to register tonight. I hope it goes smoothly and doesn't get all fouled up, but I thought I'd better post now, while I can, just in case.

Thanks for hanging tough with me. I hate to be such a baby, but I feel so broken. I want to be honest and nothing pretty I say is honest. I see the title of this blog and it seemed so right when I made it. I was living after breast cancer and that was the bottom line; it was exciting. I wanted to share that. Now, it seems grim; I live, but the rest of the story is that Don doesn't live and it's not exciting. It's grim. If we were unhappily married and just tolerating each other his death would not be so hard to take. But, we were happy. We loved each other with every ounce of energy that we had. Now it seems like I spend all my energy sobbing. Sobs come out of nowhere. It's like I'm walking a balance beam and fall off from time to time. I'm ashamed. I should be focusing on giving thanks to God for all the wonderful years we had and for having the opportunity to truly love and be loved. I do give that thanks; that's when I'm on the balance beam. When I fall off is when I sob. It's just so hard. I'm working on it. Thanks so much for caring; don't worry, just care and keep me in your prayers, please. I know God is here and is helping me. I'm just so weak with only this half of me remaining. Trish is coming tomorrow with Mason, Grace and Raynie. I will be up with them here, so good days are ahead.

Tuesday is done.

2011-10-25T18:04:00.001-05:00

Pictured tonight is Gracie and Raynie; Gracie is 8 and Raynie is 4. They were here last week and they'll come, again, on Thursday and Friday. I'm blessed to have their sunshine in my life.

Today is one of our last warm days for a while, so I got to spend a little time in the sun. My new modem was supposed to come from ATT, but it didn't. Thankfully, everything is working fine. I don't think it was a problem with the modem at all; it was just a problem with ATT. I guess they'd rather send out new modems than fix the real problem, but saying they'll send a new modem gets me off their back for a few days. As long as it's working, I'm happy. Even my email is working fine, now. I don't get it at all, but I'm happy today since it's working.

Last night I was able to get vitamins and herbs thrown for the next 2 months. I need to do 4 more months to get me through the winter until spring. I guess I'll be traveling this winter. It's hard to imagine what I'll do, but I think I can get some ladies to go with me so it won't be so bland without Don. I won't get all that out until next Monday, though. It works pretty well to do them while I watch Dancing with the Stars.

I got one of Don's file cabinets ordered (so that I understand the order) today. That's a start. Little by little I'm starting to get a grasp of things around here. God is good to give me strength and a clear head from time to time. He showed me the checkbook and that was a big help. Now, if He'll fund it, I'll be in better shape. :)

Happy birthday, Janelle and Jessie!

2011-10-24T17:59:00.002-05:00

Pictured today are Janelle and Jessie, sisters who are turning 21 and 19 today! These girls grew up in Las Vegas and I'm so happy to have them back in Oklahoma! It's wonderful to get to see them more. Janelle is in Norman, so that's within 2 hours of me. Jessie is playing ball for Rogers State University in Claremore, so I'm hoping to get to go see some of her games this year. They're beautiful girls and I'm so proud of them for their internal beauty as well as their good looks.

Today has been a better day. I got some things accomplished. Some of the Internet is working. My email receives, but it won't send. So, I thought I had better get this blog posted while I can. I've got to throw herbs tonight, so I guess I'll do that in front of the TV and watch Dancing with the Stars. I've only watched a part of it one time this season. It's hard to get into it because it's a thing I always watched with Don. I'm down to two days of herbs and vitamins, though, so I'd better get with that business.

I have to share this. I always listen to Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings. This Sunday he said we should ask God to give us a sign when we really are counting on Him to do something for us. He said it will encourage us to know that the answer is coming to our prayer, maybe not immediately, but it's coming. So, last night I asked God to send me a sign that He would direct me in the way that He wants me to go. I had lost the checkbook and searched the house and van for it to no avail. So, I asked God to lead me to the checkbook and that would be my sign that He will lead me in the direction I need to go. I usually fall right to sleep, but asking for that led me to think of all the places that checkbook might be. I had taken it with me to pay for having plugs put into the van over a week ago, so I thought I might have stuck it into the glove box with the receipt. I got right out of bed and went to FIND it right there in the glove box! It's my sign. I knew that God would direct me, but it gives me a tangible thing I can touch and be reminded that He will take care of me. I'm sure that's a great thing because the checkbook represents a big stress zone for me, but now it's a comfort and encouragement to me. Thank you, Joel, and thanks to our wonderful Father!

RIP, Tom Martin

2011-10-23T23:11:00.003-05:00

Look! I finally got onto the blog to post. I hope it works! I've had problems all day with my Internet connection and ATT is shipping a new modem to me tomorrow. I had called Trish and asked her to post for me; she meant to post after she ran. I tried one more time and got to connect. Wow. Technology is wild!

This is a picture I took last week of Gracie skipping THREE of the loop! She is an awesome little monkey; she can readily skip one and two loops, but she had to really get going to skip THREE! There is Raynie down on the right admiring her success. I can't believe I actually caught it! Fun, fun memories. They were busy playing, so they didn't notice I had to cry. I had never been to this park without Don, who held them up to reach these monkey rings and bars. They can all get up there by themselves, now, except for Raynie and Gabe held her up to do the swinging. Man, every direction I turn, I miss Don. Folks do their best to help me, but the grief seems to get bigger, not smaller.

Ruthie wrote today that our good friend, [whose mother-in-law (Dot) and wife (Jane) are ardent viewers and posters on this blog] Tom Martin, had a heart attack and passed away today! Tom was about my age, give or take a year or two. He and Jane had their annual trip to Branson scheduled for November 2, I think. He was a healthy guy. It's another wake up call, folks. Life is not anything we can count on. God we can count on. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know that God is there to receive us when we die and he's also here to help us who survive. RIP, precious Tom. God be with you, Jane, Dot and Frances. (Dot is staying with her sister, Frances, during this time; Jane dropped her off there as she headed home to be with Tom as soon as she learned of his heart attack. Jane moved to Tennessee to help take care of her mom and dad after she retired. Her dad passed away a couple of months ago. Tom had stayed in Indiana to help look after his mom, who is 92. Jane and Tom commuted back and forth to spend time with each other.)

I thought old age was bad, but I'm learning that it's even worse than bad. Losing loved ones is just too awful. Please, please hug the people you love and savor every moment with them. Don't wait. Do it, now.

Suvived the wedding.

2011-10-22T20:30:00.003-05:00

The wedding was beautiful. I took this picture before I left for the wedding. Everything about this wedding was very different than usual, so I was so interested in everything that I didn't let my emotions get away from me. A good friend from church was going in as I was and his wife had gone to help their daughter buy an interview suit, so he became my escort for the wedding. It was nice to have an escort! The wedding was so lovely. She had four nieces be flower girls and they dropped leaves instead of flower petals. It was really cute. On the table were arrangements of wild flowers and the smelled so good and were beautiful, too. It was all very, very interesting and nice. I pray that they can be as happy as Don and I were, and that they can be married for a long, long time.

Alyssa came for a couple of hours this morning and I forgot to take picture, again. Ugh. Her mom came and had lunch with us before they left. Then I laid in the sun on the deck for a couple of hours this afternoon, so that was a good rest for me. Then I came in and got cleaned up for the wedding. I even trimmed and buffed my nails, so I'm all groomed for a while. Tomorrow we have a young guy here to preach for us; he's trying out for the preacher position. I'd sure like it if we could hire someone, so there would be a neighbor on that side of me. Of course, it's nice to have a preacher, too, but our men at church are really handling that task so well. I think it's even bringing us all closer.

I'm headed to bed early. Yahoo!

Lizard wins.

2011-10-21T21:50:00.002-05:00

This picture was taken when we went to the heart rock, after we had climbed up the mountain and come back down. What a full day we had. This was on our way to the heart rock and Gabe spotted a collared lizard. They chased him around these two rocks and another huge one for about an hour and finally gave up on him. You can see how they were all involved! I'm telling you, it was an intense hour! This is Raynie, closest to the camera, then Gracie, then Mason. Then Gabe and Sadie are on the back of the rock. Precious memories! I'll have lots more pics like this to share. These kids are an awesome team and family; they were so fun to have all week. I thank God for them!

The kids left around noon today. At 1 I had lunch with Diana Clark, Jo Ann Meier, and Dorothy. We'd like to make a habit of this, but Diana is going back to Kazakhstan soon, so we may have to do just the 3 of us or pick up someone else. We'll see how that works. After lunch I took Dorothy home and helped her set up her electric blanket and inventoried her deep freeze with her. She's a dear, dear friend. We had time to cry some, too; we are both in such trouble without David and Don. We both loved those guys so much. We're doing our best to be positive and happy and thank God for all our blessings, but the loss is so tremendous for both of us and we admit we are having a hard time.

Tomorrow Alyssa is coming to stay a couple of hours with me in the morning. Then tomorrow night is a friend's wedding. I hope I can sit through that and remember that it's all about THAT couple and not me! It would be a terrible shame to break out into sobs right there at a wedding! Maybe I can get away with it, though; people cry at weddings a lot.

On our way up Elk Mountain.

2011-10-20T20:35:00.002-05:00

This is Mason, Sadie, Raynie, Gracie and Gabe, on the bridge before going up Elk Mountain. Man, it was a tough hike, but we all made it. Grace and Raynie were really good sports! Sadie was a sweetheart to keep an eye on me to make sure I made it! We just about wore ourselves out on that hike, but it was one to remember!

Tonight is our last night. Trish and Rob will be here around midnight and then they'll leave in the morning. I'll miss them! They've been great company. The rest will be good for me, though.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my card playing girlfriends; then Saturday is a friend's wedding. That'll keep me busy for a bit. Then Trish is coming back next week to help me do some paper work. What a relief that will be!

It's nice to have Internet access. My phone is not working right, but it works a bit. I can call out, but when someone calls me the answering machine gets it and then I call them back. It's a little funky, but it works if I just figure out the 'code.' I think I can get it to work right, but it'll take some more time than I have right now. Another project. God bless!

Finally, the picture!

2011-10-19T22:26:00.002-05:00

This is the picture of Jo Ann and Diana. Man. This seems like an eon ago. It's a pit not having Internet access. Finally, I got connected today. Then after struggling for 4 hours with magicJack I have the phone, again. My phone number is the same as it has been for years. 580-726-2232. Whew. Sometimes it's not the greatest connection, but usually it works good. If it doesn't work, call my cell phone. 405-823-6453 Closing my land line saves me $27 a month and I'm into saving! I didn't mean to go cold turkey, though. This has been a real fiasco, but I think I'm okay and set up to communicate, again.

The kids are here (5 of them: Gabe, nearly 17; Sadie, 14; Mason, 11; Grace, 9; and Raynie, 4. They are precious! They've entertained themselves this evening while I worked on all this stuff. We've had a ton of fun with them. Thank God for grandkids!

Must go crash! Thanks for your patience with my offline status! And, thanks to Trish for covering for me!

Don't panic! This is just normal.

2011-10-15T20:50:00.002-05:00

Hi guys! This is Tricia, posting for mom. Mom made some adjustments with her phone and inadvertently disconnected her phone line. No phone line = no internet. That all gets fixed on Wed, so just hang loose till then.

Oh - and that last post was supposed to have a picture, but we don't know what happened to it. It'll be here eventually.

Thanks for loving mom and keeping up with her!

Tricia