Blowing and going.

This is a picture of the kids at the park, Exploration Station, here in Hobart. They are all incredible monkeys! You see Mason in the background on the left, obviously on the run. Sadie had put Raynie up on the monkey bars and she'd made it to the end and needed help to get down. Grace was right there to help her and Sadie jumped to the job, too. They are an amazing family to play so well together and look after each other. Gabe wasn't in this picture, but I'm sure he was somewhere timing Mason as he ran through his assigned course. These pictures bring back great memories for me. I sat there and cried as I watched them because Don used to lift them up to the monkey bars and push them in the swings. Everything, even the happy times are so sad. I don't know how I will ever get past this, but it must happen somehow. God promises comfort and blessing to those who mourn. No doubt I am blessed. Comforting me is tough, but God can do it. I know He will take care of me; I just have to be willing to follow Him and trust Him.

My Internet has been running perfectly yesterday and today. Now, two new modems arrived by UPS! I called to ask what to do with them and they said to go online after 8 tonight and register and then send them back tomorrow. Now, there's no telling what will happen when I attempt to register tonight. I hope it goes smoothly and doesn't get all fouled up, but I thought I'd better post now, while I can, just in case.

Thanks for hanging tough with me. I hate to be such a baby, but I feel so broken. I want to be honest and nothing pretty I say is honest. I see the title of this blog and it seemed so right when I made it. I was living after breast cancer and that was the bottom line; it was exciting. I wanted to share that. Now, it seems grim; I live, but the rest of the story is that Don doesn't live and it's not exciting. It's grim. If we were unhappily married and just tolerating each other his death would not be so hard to take. But, we were happy. We loved each other with every ounce of energy that we had. Now it seems like I spend all my energy sobbing. Sobs come out of nowhere. It's like I'm walking a balance beam and fall off from time to time. I'm ashamed. I should be focusing on giving thanks to God for all the wonderful years we had and for having the opportunity to truly love and be loved. I do give that thanks; that's when I'm on the balance beam. When I fall off is when I sob. It's just so hard. I'm working on it. Thanks so much for caring; don't worry, just care and keep me in your prayers, please. I know God is here and is helping me. I'm just so weak with only this half of me remaining. Trish is coming tomorrow with Mason, Grace and Raynie. I will be up with them here, so good days are ahead.