Spa day.

Tonight is the night I trim my hair and cut all my nails. All this stuff sure seems to grow fast. I remember when Don's dad rubbed his face and said about the stubble on his face, "There ought to be something a fellow could do about this." He was about 93 and Don reintroduced him to the electric razor he'd been using for years. He said, "Well, that's keen!" Precious memories. I don't cry over losing Boone; he was 96 and didn't know us or himself. But, I can't stop crying over losing Don. He loved it when I cut my hair, so maybe I can cut it and feel some happy vibes from him. Don't get me wrong. I have happy moments. Lots of friends and family are so good to me. But, I am broken. I see his handwriting; his picture; his clothes; his Bible . . . it all sends me crashing. And, then someone says, "Merry Christmas," or, "Have a nice day," or , "How are you?" "How are you is a loaded gun. and there is no such thing as merry or nice on my menu. If I can get through this holiday I'll be so glad it is over. I'm happy other people can be happy and festive, but it's just not a place I can go. I wish everyone would go on with their festivities and let me quietly read a book. I know God has a plan for me and He left me here because of it. I know that He is taking care of me; He's training me for something; I hope I can be ready. I thought when we were taking care of Don's dad that it was training for me to take care of Don, but he didn't live long enough for me to take care of him. I would be so happy to take care of him. I cry and cry, but I can't die of this and the house just stands here; life goes on, and I've got to get a grip on it. Thanks for letting me vent. I looked back to see what I could cut, and I did cut some, but my intention is to be honest and maybe someone can learn from my experience. If you know someone in my shoes, just say, "I'm thinking about you," not "How are you?" Please don't wish them a merry or nice anything, just tell them to call you if they need anything. I hope I can remember that when the shoe is on the other foot.

I got the most precious note from my cousin who is praying for me to have the strength to get through this holiday. Thank you, Bettye. She's walked in these shoes, so she knows I need strength . I thank God for her example in my life. She also led the way in the breast cancer walk; she and I are the ones in our generation who had breast cancer. My mother and my mother's mother had the honors before us. I went through my pictures and found a picture of her from our family reunion in 2006; I had a more recent one, but she had on sunglasses and this looks just like her, so I posted it with love and thanks!