He Tried to Escape; I let Him!

He was on the run and almost got away,

But I was more stubborn than him.  Anyway, I won and got his pic.

I was watering my tomato plants and happened to see this guy out the corner of my eye.  Hurried in to get the camera.  Life in Southwestern Oklahoma is grand!

Today was hairy.  I hardly slept last night because of these fat feet hurting (they throb at night; maybe they do during the daytime, but I'm distracted.) and I have this horrible rumbling going on in my stomach.  My stomach is swollen like my ankles.  I got up and read all the papers about the Xeloda and, yes, it's the culprit.  I called the onc in Lawton this morning to see if there was anything he could do to help and see if I really should make this trip.  I want to go so badly!  He said, go and have fun!  He said to get something over the counter for the swelling and bloating of my stomach.  I went to the pharmacy today and got some anti-gas pills and some water pills.  It hasn't helped much, yet, but maybe a few days will be better.  He said the correction of the problems would take several days to notice.  Joy.  I woke up Lee and told him I was going to the front bedroom to sleep because I needed to be warm and I needed to moan a lot (Somehow that helps?).  I didn't want to bother him or worry him if he got up and couldn't find me.  I didn't want him fumbling around in the dark and stub his toe or fall.  He wouldn't hear to me going to the front bedroom. Bless his heart he meant to be a loving husband, but I really felt the need to toss and turn and rumble without bothering him.  Too bad.  I whimpered and cried a bit and then went to sleep in his warm arms.  He was probably right.  (Depression is another side effect of this Xeloda.)  I don't usually cry, but I needed to moan or cry or SOMETHING last night.

We went to Wal-Mart and got stuff for my stomach, so it's really been having a fit today.  Maybe something good is happening, but I don't see or feel it.  I don't tell you all this for sympathy or so you'll worry.  I'm doing great; I just don't feel good.  The cancer is stable, so I'm winning.  Sometimes winning is just not easy. I want this blog to be honest so that if you or someone you know walks on this path, you will have my experience to support you and them.  It was such a help to me that I was around when Mom had breast cancer.  She never had metastases, though, so I'm kind of forging that path on my own.  Thankfully, I have a great online support group!

Lee asked if I wanted to not go and I nearly busted a gut!  Of course I want to go!  I can hurt on the way as well as I can hurt here.  At least I will be able to sit all day except when we stop to walk around the truck. By the weekend, I'm hoping I'll feel really good.  In the meantime I'm good for a few minutes at a time.  I debated whether to be this honest with you all, but this blog is all about what really happens.  Don't worry about me.  I'm fine, just feeling pretty lousy for now.  We are not going to condos; we'll be staying at motels.It should all be pretty easy for me.  We'll just be gone a week and God is always with us, so we'll be fine.  That's my greatest support, plus He sends you all as well.  I'm blessed and grateful!