Precious Memories and Precious People!

This is a pic we got last November when we were on our way to MDA.  Terri, would always meet us for lunch on the way.  She has retired and moved to Orlando and is leaving her dream, working at Disney World.  Terri and I were at Itazuke at different times, but we became attached at the hip at reunions.  She goes with me everywhere (we both have that set mentally).  When I was in Tijuana for treatments she went into the 'oven' with me.  These last few weeks of many ER visits, she's gone with me every time in my mind and hers.  I thank God for my Princess Dolly; she's been a wonderful support.  She calls me Sissy, but I have a Sissy, so she's my Princess Dolly.  Precious people; precious memories!

God knew I needed a real body with me for all this, so He sent Lee, too.  Lee and Nate have worked so hard in the yard today.  The yard looks better than it ever has.  Bless their hearts.  They deserve medals.  I thank God for them.  They were working so hard while I was laying around with my feet up higher than my heart all day.  The liquid is coming off, though, so I'm happy.  I figured this is what they'd do to me if they put me in the hospital, so I'm doing the best I can to get this stuff GONE!

Happy Birthday, Raynie!

This is Raynie and her big sister, Sadie.  It's  pic I took last summer, so they've changed a bit, but not much.Sadie is the world's best big sister and Raynie is her little clone.  She looks exactly like Sadie did at her age.  Today Sadie took Raynie to have her ears pierced!  That's pretty special for a big sis and it will be a birthday that Raynie always remembers!

I took it really easy all day today.  I'm wearing compression socks as instructed by the doc and keeping my legs up as much as possible.  The fluid is draining of a bit, but my feet and ankles are still awfully fat looking. I'm hoping that it took me a while to get to this point, so it will probably take a while to get back to normal.God will show me the way.

It was so good to be home today and get lots of rest.  Lee did some laundry and Nate got some work done in the yard.  I love the help!

Love, Love, Love Home!

This pic was taken just about a year a year ago.  It was the 28th of July, last year.  That's me on the far left and Nate on the far right in the back.  It's hard to ever get a pic of him because he's very elusive anymore at 22!  He came home with us today to help us get some yard work done.  He's saving money for a trip to Denver the end of this month and we need the help, so it's a win/win for all of us.  It's been so fun to just have him all by himself, too.  It's wonderful when all the kids are here, but it's really special when we get some one on one time with any of them.  Between Nate and I are Sadie and Gabe.  Then on the front row are Raynie, Gracie and Mason.  I love every one of these kids SO much, but I'm really thrilled to get a little one on one time with Nate.

They were able to pull off over 2 litres of fluid from my abdomen today.  What a relief it is to be able to bend at the middle!  I've got to get to bed and get my feet up so that some of that fluid will start to move, too.  If it doesn't move, and if the abdomen fills up, again, by the time we see the oncologist on Tuesday they'll put me in the hospital and get real aggressive with getting rid of it.  I'm  content with anything they do.  I sure like moving and not being so bloated and tight!

I had another session of a racing heart beat last night from 3 until 5 a.m.  At least it was beating at 140-160 beats per minute instead of 190 per minute.  So maybe the new medicine is working!  I'm tired, though, and so ready for a good night in my own bed!  Thank you so much for your love and prayers.  I'm getting better and better with your support!

Quick Post; So TIred!

This was taken on my first birthday.  I had my new panties on my head and no shirt.  I guess I've had modesty issues from the beginning,

Today we did all manner of tests and ruled out a lot of things.  Ruled out blood clots in the legs.  Ruled out a heart problem.  The cardiologist thinks I was born with the tendency for my heart to race (kind of like born with the tendency to go without a shirt???) and it's simply manifesting itself now because my body is having a crash course in survival.  Anyway, tomorrow they will drain my abdomen which will give me some relief and they will analyze the fluid to see if there are cancer cells in it or not.

We are adding a second diuretic to attempt to get some fluid off my legs and feet.  I will go with this plan of a couple of different drugs and see if we can have improvement by next week.  If I improve we'll do the happy dance.  If I don't they'll stick me in the hospital and go hard and heavy on getting rid of all this fluid.  I'm ready for anything that sounds like relief!

God is great!  We really had a fun day today; it was just so tiring.

You Just Have to Cut Me Some Slack.

I am so sorry that I didn't get yesterday's post POSTED!  I thought I did it.  I had it all written and had every intention of posting it, but I signed on today and there it sat as a draft.  You know I really am not so sharp when I've been running lots of sprints, which seems to be what I do a lot of these days.  Some of you are so kind and mention that my pix are good.  I usually respond with, "Thanks, but I  just delete the terrible ones." It's been really tempting to delete many from recent days,  but that would not be honest.  If you or someone you know and love ever has to go through what I'm doing through, I want you and them to be prepared with the truth.  I was laying here in the ER Saturday night with my heart racing.  Someone in scrubs had just put an IV in my left hand, which I thought would kill me.  I've had lots of IV's put in with great difficulty because these old veins roll, but this was the worst ever.  There were two people in the ER in scrubs, but neither had a name tag or wore rubber gloves.  They could have been the cleaning crew for all I knew!  Then a woman with a name tag came in and proceeded to draw blood our of my RIGHT arm.  I was told in 2008 to never let anyone stick me in the right arm for anything because of the lymphedema in that arm.  I told her that and she said that was not about the sticking, but about the pressure of the tourniquet and she had no intention of using a tourniquet.  I was pretty much petrified as you can see by the look on my face.  NOBODY had stuck that right arm in the last 6 years.

My arm hasn't fallen off.  Tomorrow I will ask the oncologist about that arm sticking business and the pressure, etc.  Moving on to today:  GREAT NEWS!

Lee had his angiogram and the blockage they saw was there, but his heart had already built an alternate route and his circulation in his heart is good.  They need to do no stints!  He's up and walking around.  Yee Haw! He can go with me to all my appointments tomorrow as long as we push him in a wheel chair.  That's the rest of the good part.  They told me in the ER to see a cardiologist ASAP, so his cardiologist agreed to see me tomorrow!!!  So tomorrow we approach all my big issues.  I'm posting and heading for dinner Lee's precious daughter-in-law has prepared!  God bless families!

What a dear Lee is; the man has a wife with no boobs and a belly big enough to be carrying full term twins and he says: "Cute butt!"

Post or NOT Post . . . This is Real; More of the Cold Hard Truth.

Sorry this pic is kind of blurry.  It was 2 a.m. and Lee was wobbly and I was helpless.  I wish I could make this be a prettier picture, but pretty is not how things are these days.  Those elephant feet go all the way up to my flat chest.  I can only be thankful that my arms and chest and head aren't swelling.  Maybe it's only a matter of time, though, before they swell, too?  I'm also grateful to have some balloon size clothes to wear to these ER 'parties.'

I was asleep and woke up at 12:14 a.m. to the sound of that clown jack hammering, again.  That clown turned out to be ME!  See in my right hand?  That little black oximeter told me that my heart was racing to the tune of 170 beats per minute.  Lee and I worked for an hour to get it to 'convert,' with no results.  So, we went to the ER.  Holy cow!  Note to self:  don't go to the Hobart ER unless it's daylight; you can do everything they do in the middle of the night.  At some point I did convert without them having to give me meds to do it.  I think it was when she was putting that IV into my left hand; no doubt my heart stopped and restarted 2 or 3 times while I thought she was killing me.  Anyway, by 4 a.m. we were back home in bed with a good heart rate.

We are headed to OKC so we can be there for Lee's angiogram in the morning at 6:30.  I don't think today is likely to get any more exciting than the way it started at midnight.  I'll post tomorrow as soon as I can.

Mr. I'll Take Care of it!

I got this shot of Lee on memorial day when we went to decorate the grave of his mom and dad and older brother.  Who knew he could do that?  I thought I'd have to rig it!

Bless his heart, he spent 3 hours in the front flower bed getting rid of weeds out there.  He knew they were bothering me, so he just did it.  I am so grateful.  Today, I boiled over some tomato soup on the stove and hes said, "I'll take care of it."  He has that attitude about everything when he needs it.  I assured him that I could do it 10 times faster than he could simply because I know how to clean up a flat cook top and he doesn't.  I love his attitude, though.  Bless his heart, he's had a couple of weird weeks looking after me.  I sure hope we can get me turned around so I won't be such a burden to him!

My prayer is that he will sale through the angiogram procedure on Monday with no complications.  We are driving to the City and Trish will haul us around to all our appointments while we are there.  I'm so glad she is free to do such a thing because she has a good head on her shoulders and she can help us to keep up with instructions, etc.  She has accepted a full time job teaching 1st grade at a special 'community hub' in OKC.  Raynie will go to school with her and all the other kids will be at Classen, another special school.  Well, Nate and Gabe are out of school so they are not issues these days.  Sadie is a senior, Mason is in 8th grade, I think, and Grace will be in 6th grade.

Thanks for keeping up with us on our journey.  Love and prayers for all of you,to

Another Good Day; Hopeful!

This pic was taken about this time last year when Lee and I went to Branson and Big Cedar.  We absolutely love Big Cedar and hope to get to go spend some good time there this winter and maybe this fall, too.  I'll be so ready to go if I can ever get jeans on, again!  It's really hard to travel when I feel like I'm blown up stiff like a balloon doll!

Today I did a better job of pacing myself.  I got a good nap.  I had some wonderful visiting time with Dolores Holt, a friend like a sister at church.  I am just not wired to lolly gag around and it's a whole new trip for me.  Dolores broke her hip last year and she had a lot to learn about setting new paces for herself, too. I'm doing my best to learn from her example and thank God for it.  Maybe I'm an example for someone, so I've got to get real serious about making better adjustments.

I got this 'message from God' today and found it VERY interesting! 

July 03 2014 Today, God's message for you is that patience is one of the greatest gifts you can give, to others and to yourself. Do not hurry through life; it goes by fast enough as it is. ___________________________________________ I never, ever thought of patience as a gift to me or anyone else.  I just thought it was something I lacked and I needed to work on mastering.  What a concept, that it's a gift to give to myself and others.  I love it when God sends me a message and I GET it!!! Happy patience to all of you!  Let's work on it together and think of it as a gift to ourselves, to our fellow man and to our awesome God!!!

Figuring Out How to Dress.

So, these pants used to be comfortable.  They still are, but I may wear them and another 2 baggy ones to threadbare.  I thank God that I had some draw string pants so I can be decent if I ever get the energy to go somewhere.  Sunday we'll go to OKC and stay with Lee's son, James, and his wife, Kathy.  We are so blessed to feel at home at their home.  Lee has to be at the Cath-lab for his angiogram at 6:30.  We didn't want to drive from Hobart to be there at that time of day.  Usually we stay in a hotel, but I'm admitting I need the support when Lee goes under anesthesia.  When he had his quadruple by-pass 3 years ago, it took him a week to come back to real life.  I'm in no shape to handle that sort of thing without the kids' help.  His procedure should go like clockwork and then after he rests on Monday, we'll go see my new Oncologist on Tuesday and get a treatment as well as put into play a new treatment plan.

Today has been a good enough day.  I was able to make and freeze 2 meat loaves this morning and a double batch of tuna salad. Having those handy I can go have a quick bite of protein at any time during the day.  The more protein I eat, the more the swelling us supposed to leave.  It's not happening yet, but I'm working on it. I feel like one of those blow up dolls that has been blown up so tight that I can't bend anywhere.  I'll be so grateful when this swelling disappears.  The Lasix is not working any miracles, but I keep doing the best I can.

The pic above was from about 6 weeks ago, I think.  My arms now look like bones with a sheet of wrinkles hanging on them.  But, I can sure fill those pants up with a huge belly!  I've said before, if this wasn't happening to me, it would be so very interesting.  Thank you all for caring.  I hope you nor anyone else you know ever has to endure this; but if they do, they CAN and I pray that I've helped to pave the road a bit for them.

A Good Day!

Oops!  I just pressed publish before I even wrote the blog.  Maybe that shows you how good the day really is.  Seriously, we were able to stay home today.  With my coaching Lee changed the sheets on our bed and did 3 loads of laundry.  He's amazing!

I thought it was a great day because I never had a racing heart; never had to use oxygen and was able to eat pretty well.  I still have a lot of inappropriate swelling, but it's getting better and better, little by little.  I sure thank God for a wonderful day of mostly rest for me.

This pic is one we took at Doris and Jerry's house 3 weeks ago.  Man, I'd love to get into those jeans, again! No way, anytime soon.  I'm grateful to recall the good days, though!  I'm not dumping all my jeans; I intend to get back into them!  The PA told me yesterday to eat whatever I want, but to drink a high protein Insure 3 or 4 times a day; the protein in it will help to take out the edema!  That's wonderful; I thank God that the Insure is delicious!  It's not a difficult assignment at all.

It's part of the deal I made with Lee to get the blog done before bedtime, so this is it for tonight.  Thanks for reading up on us and for sharing the good days as well as the bad days.  Today was a good one!

The Hard Cold Truth.

I'm back and will hope to post every day.  It's really hard to keep so many people who care informed; the blog works so well to inform all of you at one time and save me repeating the same story over and over on many phone calls.  Thank you for allowing me to use the blog!  Thank you also for giving me a few days off.  I so needed the break.  Actually, I was never too sure what was happening, and I've been rather loopy.  (That is more than usual!).  I love it that you all care and I don't want you worried.  Remember, God doesn't like us to worry.  When I worked for Home Interiors, years ago, the President, Mary Crowley, used to tell us to never worry;  She said, "Girls, do all you can to solve your problems and then turn them over to God because he's going to be up all night, anyway."

I'm using this pic tonight, which I just took.  I balanced the camera on my water bottle and this is what we got.  I'll admit that I threw away 3 that had my eyes shut or the top of my head cut off.  This is the cold hard truth, as George Jones would say!  Three years ago I had my eyebrows and liner on my eyes permanently done.  I have never regretted it.  Especially on days like the last two weeks.  I have not had on make up since the day we drove home from the reunion in Tennessee.  I think that was the 22nd.  I would look like death warmed over for sure if I didn't have this permanent makeup as a part of me.  There is no way I've felt like putting on make up or removing it!

Now, the facts.  I have fired my oncologist in Lawton because he washed his hands of me.  He had his nurse call me and tell me that he said he had done all he could for me and I needed to call my docs at MD Anderson!  This is AFTER we made a flying trip to Lawton to get there in time to meet with him before he left for the day.  Lee drove 90 and 95 mph to get me there.  When I got there (this was a week ago tomorrow.) my heart was racing.  188 beats per minute.  75 is a good number for that!  I was there to do something about the fluids collecting in my body, but the attention shifted immediately to my heart rate.  Then on Friday I ended up going to the ER in OKC because I was still so swollen I couldn't bend anywhere. Sitting was awful, walking was nearly impossible and I was having a terrible time getting enough breath to breathe!  In OKC they monitored me all night and started me on Lasix to help get the swelling down.  I also met my new oncologist there!  He is happy to work with the docs at MD Anderson and he will do my treatments here.  I have an appointment for the 8th to meet with him and have the Zometa infusion.  We will determine at that time how we will resume the Xeloda.  The onc I fired kept saying we would reduce the dosage, but we never did.  My body just flat got totally out of control.

This morning I woke up at 8 a.m. and my heart was racing anywhere from 165 to 195 per minute.  That makes me way out of breath because it's like I'm running sprints!  I let it go for 2 hours hoping I could overcome it, but it never would stop.  I called my general practitioner, here and asked if he wanted to see me or if I should go to the ER.  He said go to the ER.  I really had fun in the ER!  They got my heart regulated and then they were simply running tests and attempting to figure out how I should deal with that racing when it happens, again.  The PA was absolutely wonderful.  He was explaining to me how I might be able to convert myself (from racing to a regular heart beat), when he glanced at the monitor and said, "Here we go, again; you're racing, again!"  So he attempted to show me exactly how to convert on my own.  After a couple of minutes it wasn't working so he rushed out of the room saying, "I'm going to get meds." He got about 20 steps down the hall and Lee said, "It's dropping!  It's working!"  He went running after the PA and we all did the happy dance.  We were so thrilled that I can stop it on my own without meds!  It's just not safe to let the heart run at full speed like that because it will wear out the heart!  So, we sat down and discussed nutrition, etc.  They kept me through lunch and I was able to eat and do fine; they even let me walk out; didn't have to go in a wheel chair!

I knew almost everyone who worked on me in the ER and I was pulling lots of pieces of the puzzle of Hobart together for Lee.  I had either taught these folks' kids  or knew them just from living in town. Everyone was warm and wonderful to me, so it was a pretty good experience.

This post is way too long so I won't go into more details.  I'll explain more in the next few days.  I'm enjoying lots of pampering and generally doing nearly nothing.  I"m resting a lot, but we're getting done what needs to be done.  Lee is absolutely wonderful.  Bless his heart; what a wonderful gift from God.  My feet and legs are looking way closer to normal, and my abdomen is going down little by little.  I look only 7 months pregnant, rather than 9 months.  Friday in the ER I weighed 139 pounds.  3 weeks ago I weighed 119. Yesterday I was down to 127.  I didn't even think to weigh today because I was fighting so hard for breath. Things are looking much better and I'm so grateful.  Thank you all for caring; God bless us all!

Time Out For a Few Days.

I am headed to OKC to the ER for the 3rd time since June 19.  I have fired my oncologist in Lawton.  I am not battling cancer so much as I am battling the oncologist who tells me today that he's done all he can for me and I need to call MDA.  So, we're working to get me back onto my feet.  There won't be much news for a few days I think.  I just need to not have this blog hanging over my back.  I need freedom and time. If there is news that needs to be known Trish can post to the blog for me.  Y'all take a break from it, too.  I'll be back.  God is in control and I totally trust Him!  Love you all.

Cousins Are First Friends!

And they are friends forever!  This is Gretta and Deanna, first cousins and forever friends.

Today has been better, but I'm still very tired.  Lee's daughter arrived around noon and it's WONDERFUL to have her here!  I wanted to get the blog done and a little rest before dinner.  

I'm not in the hospital today, so it's a good day!  I'm keeping this short to save energy.  I'll get pix of Lisa with us for tomorrow's blog.  As always, I thank God for family and friends!

Hairy Day; ER, Again.

Okay.  Today I called the oncologist and waited all day to hear from him as he was out of town.  Finally at 3:30 his office called to tell us to come in and be there in an hour.  I could barely move.  I knew it would take me 20 minutes to get ready to go.  Lee and I grabbed what we thought we'd need if they kept me over night. and literally flew to Lawton.  He turned on the flashers and drove 90- 95 to get us there.  We made it by 4:38.  As soon as the doc saw me he rushed me right over to the ER.  My heart was racing for some reason.  THAT was the reason I couldn't breath and was so weak.  He said it was like I'd been running sprints all day.

Trish (pictured above LAST August) was in Lawton in the last of a graduate class she's been taking.  She made her presentation first and then was excused from class so she could come be with us in the doc's office and the ER.  As Lee says, "She's sharp; she knows enough to ask good question and process the answers. At 9:30 we all got to leave.  We stopped by Walgreen's to get 2 scripts filled.  We're home, now and I'm breathing and getting around much better.  Tomorrow we'll address the swelling in my abdomen.  Sheesh; what a day.  God certainly took good care of us all, though.  I had no idea my heart was racing; I was too out of it to realize my heart was racing.  Nobody knows why that happens, but, they got it stopped and got my blood pressure up (it was 88/50) so I could come home and get a good night's sleep.  Ah.  I'm so ready for that.

I've done so much thinking and praying.  I thank God for the avenue of prayer.  I thank Him for wonderful friends who went out and spent the evening in prayer and love with Dorothy, who was worried sick about me.  I thank Him for all of you who care.  I'm really doing okay.  This morning I could not have written this blog.  I was too tired!  I did a few posts this morning on FB, but nothing of any length.

Trish kept Gretta up to date all day.  Gretta is on day 2 with no hair.  She's hanging tough and doing great. Tomorrow I hope I can eat.  Today, it was like putting one more thing into my purse; no way it's too full! Same way with my tummy; no way to eat or drink when it's so swollen and full.  They think it's more gas trapped than liquid and that's good.  I'll keep you posted.  Love to all; thanks so much for caring and for prayer.

The Bath Totally Bushed Me, but I'm Clean and I Smell Good!.

I'm bushed tonight, but I'm clean and refreshed.  A bath is such a big deal because I have to
grease down my feet and hands . . . it's a lot like giving a baby a bath, but I'm much heavier than a baby and all this grease is to keep my feet and hands from peeling so bad, not just to make me smell nice.  Actually, after the Bag Balm, I lotion up real good so that I do smell sweet; it's a have to kind of thing.  That bag balm is good stuff, but it was invented to keep cow's udders healthy.  So, I smell like a cow until I get some good lotion going.

I absolutely love this pic of Garrett and me.  He is Gretta's 17 year old son and that's his Poppy's (Don's) shirt that he's wearing.  (Love you so much, Garrett!)  Those are our Fox reunion shirts and I was so pleased he would wear it proudly!  I almost said that he has no idea how much he means to me, but I think he does!  He's the most supportive and caring guy, ever.  (Lee insisted that the shirt was too little for him; he can't stand anything tight and I guess it was a little tight and short.  It was perfect for Garrett, though, so Lee wore a polo shirt the same color as our shirts; he's a great sport, too!)  I thank God for the awesome men in my life.  Nobody could be more blessed than I am with 7 awesome grandsons and 8 awesome granddaughters, plus I inherited another dozen grandchildren when Lee and I married.  Together we have 27 grandchildren and he has one great grandson and two more due in just a few weeks!  God is so good; I praise Him and give Him thanks, honor and glory!

Off Day. The Beginning of an Off Week.

Today I spent most of the day talking to doc's nurses.  We finally came to an agreement that I'll take the next week off and see the oncologist in Lawton before I resume treatments at a lower dose. The drug is working on the cancer, so I hate to give it up, but I'm taking the same dosage a 200 pound person would take. That's ridiculous, especially since it's throwing me for such a loop.

I washed my hair last night, so this hair and no makeup is what we get on an off day.  Maybe I'll look like this for a week.  I will until I feel like going through the work to look better.   The hardest work I did today was walk out to the flower bed and collect a bouquet of echinacea.  There are a couple of daisy blooms in there, too; I hope they'll open for me in the house.  Then I walked out to the magnolia tree and collected a couple of blooms for a cup, which I learned from Doris, my sister-in-law.  That tomato is my first tomato off my own plant in the back yard.  Joan (who looks after the house for us when we're gone) took it off the vine for me and it was waiting in the kitchen when we came home.  I scoffed half of it down for supper, which is a good thing because I have had trouble eating.

Our next door neighbor smoked some pork and brought some over for our dinner tonight.  Man, was THAT yummy!!!  Smoked pork and a fresh tomato; then Lee suggested some ice cream and I even had some of that!  I feel so stuffed, but I'm not nauseated!  Our neighbor, Bill, is also our preacher; he's a real gem in every sense of the word.  Love, love, love that guy and his family.  It's really a comfort to have them right next door.  They were here for 8 years and gone for 3 or 4 and now they're back and it feels so perfect!  I thank God for them and for the time to take a week off when I need it!

Home!

I am so pleased that I got this and many other great pix at the reunion.  There were many pix I wish I'd gotten, but I don't need to be a pig about it!  This is me in the middle.  On the right of meas you look at the pic is my sister, Ruthie, and then my daughter, Gretta.  On the left of me as you look at the pic is our first cousin, Suzanne, and on the far left is Ruthie's daughter, Deanna..

Suzanne is one year older than me and we were close our whole lives.  All our kids call her Aunt Suzy because she's more like a sister than a cousin.  She and I spent every summer together.  My mother and her daddy were two of 5 siblings.  Suzanne and I would go from aunt's houses to grandparents'' houses enjoying vacation Bible schools all summer.  I grew up wearing her hand me downs and I was so thrilled to have them!  She and her brother keep the reunions happening every year. I wouldn't take a million dollars for this pic!  (If someone out there wants a copy, I'd sell a copy!  Ha!)  This reunion was tough to go to because I've felt so lousy, but I wouldn't have missed it for anything!

We made it home about 5 tonight.  I took a bath and went straight to bed.  I just woke up a few minutes ago to do this blog.  Tomorrow I'm calling the doc to see what he wants me to do about this swelling and bloating.  I'm sick of it!  I thank God for our safe trip home and for such a wonderful reunion!  I suggest you look around and count your blessings; I really can't count that high, but God knows how I praise Him for blessing me so richly!

(You might notice Gretta's pic line in her left arm: that's where she gets her chemo.  Her hair started falling out on Friday before the reunion on Saturday.  Bless her heart, she was back at work today praying that her ponytail wouldn't fall off her head.  She's dear and losing her hair is not a fun option, nor does she have any choice!  She's taking it like a CHAMP and I am so proud of her.  Cancer is so rude to pick on a young vibrant mother, but God has us in His hands!)

Early Blog; It Will be a Late Night.

I need go juice of some kind.  I am really so fatigued.  I slept 11 hours and then got up and got dressed and had to go back to bed to rest from that.  It isn't that big a deal to dress, but when this chemo fatigue hits it's just a real bear.  I got up and combed my hair and then painted on s bit of a face.  I forgot some of my make up, but I don't think it will matter.  I just hope I can make it through the reunion.

We just meet at the noon hour and visit over lunch, so that's not that big a deal, either.  We'll leave and head for home.  I have a room booked for us about 8 hours down the road, so it'll be late when we get in and I wanted to have this blog done, so I won't have to dig out the computer then because I know I'll be crashing big time.

When I get home I will see the doc about this fatigue and also the swelling, which is back.  It's not as bad as it was the other day, but it's getting there.  I really can't eat or drink much because there's just not room to put it.  Gretta's hair started falling out yesterday, so she's being very careful not to brush or comb it.  It's pretty traumatic for her.  I know she wants to get through the reunion and then I imagine when she gets home she'll soon be cutting it, so she can donate the biggest portion of it if possible.  Bless her heart; she's a trooper.  I'm so, so proud of her.  Oh, this pic was made the other night after we'd spent the day in the ER draining the swelling in my abdomen.  That's Garrett, Gretta, Elena and me.

The next time I post we should be home, so happy reunion to everyone and have a good weekend, whatever you're doing.  God is keeping us safe and holding me together, so I know He's working in your lives, too. Let's all give thanks and praise to such an awesome Father who is big enough for all of us to share.  What a concept!

Snuggle Buddy.

There's no snuggle buddy better than this one!  Elena wanted to snuggle with me last night when we got home from the hospital.  I can't think of anything I needed more.

We made it to Nashville today and we're ready to leave from here to go to the reunion in the morning.  Then we'll head for home.  Lots of travel on this trip, but lots of great visiting, too!  I'm learning a lot and may be sticking closer to home for a while  I've got to get me stable to travel.

Tomorrow I get to see my sister and her husband and lots of cousins.  That'll be a grand day!  I thank God for a safe trip for us and hope everyone else is able to travel safely, too!

The Party.

Lee was at the "party" but he was taking pix.  I borrowed his shirt and a pair of his shorts to wear to the ER today.  All my stuff was too binding.  I could barely breath this morning, so I called my doc at home.  He said to go to the ER and let them make me comfortable.  Actually it was a pretty nice day even if they were poking and testing me all day.  All the tests were good except that I had these ascites pressing on my abdomen so that I couldn't breath or wear any of my clothes.  They drained those off and I'm feeling so much better.  This pic is Garrett, Gretta, Joe, Elena, and me after I got back to the hotel from the hospital. They pulled into our parking lot at the same time that we did, so it was fun!

I thank God for wonderful docs and nurses all day.  Everyone was so kind; even loving.  KY people are good people!  The doc told me to go on to the reunion, enjoy it and then go home.  So, that's what we're doing.  Thank you all for your concern, love, and prayers!  I love you for your tremendous support.  Google ascites; it's just liquid that builds up sometimes in cancer patients.

So, So Tired!

Please forgive me.  I'm so tired.  I can't dig up a pic or say much.  I am so exhausted.  We are checked into our hotel.  Lee has gone to get a bite to eat.  I am going to bed.  We're not even going to see the kids tonight.  We're just so tired.  Old people shouldn't make these long trips, maybe?  Anyway, God got us here safely and we give Him thanks!  Don't worry about us.  We just need rest.  Love to all for checking on us.

On the Way!

We left at 8:30 this morning and made it to our stopping place at 4:30.  Lee got this shot of me sitting at the computer to do this blog.  That fleece jacket Tricia gave me when I was doing chemo in 2007.  I was freezing then and I'm freezing now.  I think it embarrasses Lee for me to wear it everywhere, but AC just freezes me.  I'm so glad to have this jacket!  Actually, I get lots of compliments on it.  Thank you, Trish!

I'm awfully fatigued, my feet and ankles still look like they belong to Miss Piggy, and my stomach is rumbling, but I'm ALIVE and I'm getting to go see Gretta and make it to the family reunion.  We missed it last year because Lee's grand daughter's wedding was the same day as the reunion.  We loved the wedding, but I sure missed being at the reunion.  I thank God we can go this year.

I'm off to bath and to bed so we can leave early in the morning.  Thanks for checking on us!

He Tried to Escape; I let Him!

He was on the run and almost got away,

But I was more stubborn than him.  Anyway, I won and got his pic.

I was watering my tomato plants and happened to see this guy out the corner of my eye.  Hurried in to get the camera.  Life in Southwestern Oklahoma is grand!

Today was hairy.  I hardly slept last night because of these fat feet hurting (they throb at night; maybe they do during the daytime, but I'm distracted.) and I have this horrible rumbling going on in my stomach.  My stomach is swollen like my ankles.  I got up and read all the papers about the Xeloda and, yes, it's the culprit.  I called the onc in Lawton this morning to see if there was anything he could do to help and see if I really should make this trip.  I want to go so badly!  He said, go and have fun!  He said to get something over the counter for the swelling and bloating of my stomach.  I went to the pharmacy today and got some anti-gas pills and some water pills.  It hasn't helped much, yet, but maybe a few days will be better.  He said the correction of the problems would take several days to notice.  Joy.  I woke up Lee and told him I was going to the front bedroom to sleep because I needed to be warm and I needed to moan a lot (Somehow that helps?).  I didn't want to bother him or worry him if he got up and couldn't find me.  I didn't want him fumbling around in the dark and stub his toe or fall.  He wouldn't hear to me going to the front bedroom. Bless his heart he meant to be a loving husband, but I really felt the need to toss and turn and rumble without bothering him.  Too bad.  I whimpered and cried a bit and then went to sleep in his warm arms.  He was probably right.  (Depression is another side effect of this Xeloda.)  I don't usually cry, but I needed to moan or cry or SOMETHING last night.

We went to Wal-Mart and got stuff for my stomach, so it's really been having a fit today.  Maybe something good is happening, but I don't see or feel it.  I don't tell you all this for sympathy or so you'll worry.  I'm doing great; I just don't feel good.  The cancer is stable, so I'm winning.  Sometimes winning is just not easy. I want this blog to be honest so that if you or someone you know walks on this path, you will have my experience to support you and them.  It was such a help to me that I was around when Mom had breast cancer.  She never had metastases, though, so I'm kind of forging that path on my own.  Thankfully, I have a great online support group!

Lee asked if I wanted to not go and I nearly busted a gut!  Of course I want to go!  I can hurt on the way as well as I can hurt here.  At least I will be able to sit all day except when we stop to walk around the truck. By the weekend, I'm hoping I'll feel really good.  In the meantime I'm good for a few minutes at a time.  I debated whether to be this honest with you all, but this blog is all about what really happens.  Don't worry about me.  I'm fine, just feeling pretty lousy for now.  We are not going to condos; we'll be staying at motels.It should all be pretty easy for me.  We'll just be gone a week and God is always with us, so we'll be fine.  That's my greatest support, plus He sends you all as well.  I'm blessed and grateful!

Happy Fathers' Day!

I believe in celebrating everything every single day.  To me it's like worship; one day a week is not the deal; we live our lives either worshipping God or ignoring him.  My goal is to live my life worshipping God every day.  My goal is also to live every moment loving and appreciating all my family and friends.  I'm just not good at putting those kinds of things on and taking them off; I'm an everyday sort of gal.  It may not be a big thing or a big celebration, but I feel like God and all these people have influenced my life and the way I live it shows them that they influenced me and I love them for it.  By all means I hope everyone had a great day today and every day.

It was day 2 of my rest from chemo.  I did literally rest.  We went to church and Lee chose the Mexican restaurant for lunch since it was Fathers' Day..  We were honored to have Dorothy join us.  I wish I'd taken a pic of that, but I'm so forgetful about the camera.  After taking Dorothy home, I went straight to my nap.  I woke up and dressed for the evening church service.  We came home and I fixed scrambled eggs for Lee's supper.  (I didn't feel like eating.)  I caught up on FB and have been watching the Spurs do a GREAT job on beating the Heat!  I'm almost through with the computer, so I can sit down and relish the rest of this game.

I wish I could say my feet have gone down, but they haven't.  They still took me to church.  I have a new side effect showing up.  I have a red rash on my thighs and hands and arms.  It doesn't itch or hurt, but I take note of it in case it means something.  I also have ascites collecting in my abdomen (result of liver disease where fluid collects); it feels like a ate a whole watermelon.  I really don't want anything to eat, but I'm doing my best to get down some protein.  I've gained 7 pounds in the last 5 days and I'm sure it's all the liquids I'm retaining; I look 7 months pregnant and am grateful I have some next size up clothes!.  This is all normal, just not comfortable.  I still have so much for which to be grateful!

Yesterday I got all our laundry done, so tomorrow we just have to pack to leave Tuesday for KY and TN. We'll just be gone a week this time.  I'll have a lot of work to do on weeds when we get home!  They're getting a head start on me, now, but I don't need to be on my feet enough to spray them, so I'm ignoring them and doing my best to stay out of a snit over them.  :)

I Live in a No Snit Zone.

This is a pic of me when I finished chemo the first time in 2007 and we were meeting Trish and Gretta and their families in Branson.  I'm just comparing the last chemo to this one.  This one I'm having trouble with my feet and hands.  Actually, I had peripheral neuropathy in my feet in 2007 and my toenails became infected just because I was on the chemo.  My two big toenails have never grown back right since I lost them over that.  I didn't have any hair (ANY hair, anywhere!).  This time I still have hair so far.  I have issues with my feet, but I can handle it.  I'm in an online support group where many of the women on Xeloda have adjusted their dosage to 7 days on and 7 days off.  I really think I could handle that because it's after the 7 days that it starts to get complicated with these side effects.  I'm going to ask my doctor about considering that schedule.

The girls insisted that I not get into a snit over anything when we all got together.   They were right.  I needed to not have any stress if at all possible.  I tend to be OCD and get into a snit if a picture is hanging crooked. Once I fix it, I'm okay, but they insisted that I should concentrate on having a No Snit Zone rule while we were all there.  Our two littlest grandbabies were just crawlers at that time, so they were concerned that they would get to me, not to mention the other 6 siblings who would be there. I had been pretty much quarantined from people and especially kids while I did chemo because it brought my immune system down so much.  I was so eager to spend time with them all and I sure didn't want to get into any snits.   Mostly I'm blessed to have learned to concentrate on living in a No Snit Zone.  I relapse at times, but I do much better.

To answer your questions (Several have written to ask me if my feet are better today.), my feet are not better, yet.  It took 10 days to get them to this point, so maybe it will take them 10 days to correct. Lee was able to let the buckle out 3 notches on my shoes to wear to church tomorrow, so I can make it.  (My fingers wouldn't do it.)  I thank God that I had the previous experience with chemo.  I can compare that to this time and I still think this is a better side trip on my journey with cancer. Be sure not to be mislead; tonight's pic is from December of 2007; it is NOT current.  I gave myself a haircut today and they all seem to be in tact.  :) I sent all my hats to Gretta, so I hope I don't lose mine!  If I do, she'll have to share with me.  I did it before, I can do it, again, if it happens.  I really didn't mind being bald except I got so cold!

The Gross Pix.

These are ugly pix, but ugly is just how it is today.  The bottom pic is how my legs looked last October.  The top one is how they looked on May 29th (2 weeks ago) when I was concerned about swelling and burning of the hand and foot syndrome.  The middle pic is how they look right now.  Those squatty little toes can't hang onto a flip flop to keep from walking out of it.  At least I can stand the warm water of a bath.  I can walk, but I only have a couple of pairs of crocs that my feet will fit.  I DO have both legs and feet!  I can walk!  I thank God for that.  And, the Xeloda is holding the cancer at bay.

This morning when I got up my hands were all swollen, too.  I could hardly bend my fingers to hold anything, but most of their swelling went down during the day with activity.  I didn't do much at all today.  I am totally fatigued and I think that's from the chemo, too.  It sure isn't for any work I did today because I didn't accomplish anything today except talk to the doctor's nurse.

This is only day 10 of my 14 day cycle, but they told me to stop taking the Xeloda and give my body a chance to recover from it.  I'm ready to reduce it somehow.  It feels like my feet are about to explode.  I don't guess they'll do that, but I would hate for them to start seeping fluid!  So, I'm thanking God for the flexibility to cut back on the Xeloda when the side effects are too ugly, too.

So it is in the life of a Breast Cancer Metastasis SURVIVOR.  Survivor is the key word.  Poor Lee is fixing his own meals and doing all the shopping so I won't have to walk.  Besides all the extra chores he takes over from me he's loving and gentle with me.  What a Godsend and I thank God so much for him.

Report on Lee''s Tests.

This is Lee's son, Jim, and his wife, Kathy.  They bought our dinner last night and I ate the potato I brought home with me for dinner tonight!  We loved getting to visit with them and Barb last night.

Now, the tests.  They found another blockage in Lee's heart, so they have him scheduled for another angiogram on July 7th.  I am so glad that they have found this before it causes him more problems, but I'll admit I'm not eager to go with my husband to have an angiogram and stints put in.  I just don't have a good history of such a thing.  I must trust God and know that He knows what is best and will see to it that His plan is worked.  The doc assured us that this will not require open heart surgery.  He also said it's not anything we have to hurry to do.  July 7 is 3 weeks.  He did say that if he has any more spells like he had in church a few weeks ago to call him.  Believe me, we will!

Just when I thought my feet were better (they were yesterday), they are blown up like footballs today!  I can walk, but I don't have many shoes that my feet will fit!  I'll take a pic of them and post it soon.  I'm going to call the local oncologist tomorrow and see if I should continue with the chemo or stop it early, again.  I have 5 more days to go in this cycle.  If they keep swelling at this rate, something is going to burst.  My legs are swollen up to my knees, too.  Thankfully, this is the only side effect I'm having.  My hands hurt, but aren't as swollen as my feet, and they aren't peeling bad.  I sure wish I had met that lady in Houston whose leg was missing from the knee down.  I think of her every day and she gives me courage!  God is good to give us hope and courage and I am grateful!

Tired on Top of Tired.

Lee has 3 tests tomorrow in OKC.  He has a fasting stress test, and echo cardiogram and some test for his carotid arteries.  We decided to come to the city and spend the night so that we wouldn't have so far for him to drive on an empty stomach in the morning.  I thought we'd get a good night's rest, but this hotel room is freezing.  There is a microwave and I brought my rice buddies, so I'll survive.    We had a wonderful visit with his daughter and son and daughter-in-law.  The pic above is us with his daughter, Barbara.  Tomorrow I'll post the pic I got of his son and daughter-in-law, who were sitting across from us.

I am so tired I can hardly type.  All this travel is hard, plus I freeze everywhere I go.  I'm really so sick of being cold.  It's summer; it's supposed to be warm.  Well it's warm outside, but if I go inside everyone is so hooked on cool.  Lee freezes me in the truck.  I'm sure it's me, because my normal temperature is around 97.5.  I can't expect everyone else to sweat just because I'm cold, so I usually have a jacket or a blanket on me.  I know why little old ladies wear shawls, now; they're freezing!

My feet haven't been so bad today, so I thank God for that.  Maybe they maxed out yesterday and will be gentle with me for the rest of this cycle.  I ate way too much tonight, so I'm paying now for that.  I knew better, but Hollies makes the best hamburger and I couldn't resist it.

These tests that Lee is having tomorrow are following up his spell in church a couple of weeks ago.  I pray that God will give us some answers with these tests.  We are relatively healthy and wonderfully happy, so we have so much for which to give thanks and praise to God.  Life is so much better with a wonderful partner and I thank God for Lee.

What a Wonderful bur Tiring Day!

Trish is taking a couple of graduate courses this month in Lawton this month.  They are online, but she has to be there for a few classes, so she came here to go from here in the morning.  It's sure wonderful to see her! For the last 22 years she's always had 1 or more kids with her, but it's just her this time, so we have an undiluted visit.  I miss the kids, but it's wonderful for her to be the kid!

We got home in time to see most of the Spurs beating the Heat, so that was fun, too.  We got up at 6 this morning to drive an hour and a half into Houston for the appointment with the oncologist.  Thankfully, going back to Doris' house only took 30 minutes because the traffic was much lighter!  We were flying high anyway because we had such good news from the Oncologist.  Our drive from Houston was another 8 hours, so we're so ready for bed!

The Oncologist gave me copies of the results of all my tests and they are all wonderful.  They all bottom line with something like, "Improvement in the metastatic disease compared to 04/07/14."  "Stable metastatic disease," is another common comment.  My cancer marker was down to 90 from 198 in March.  It had been 52 in January, so I'm so glad to have it going in the right direction, again!  This Xeloda is working, but it's sure wrecking havoc with my feet.  Riding in the truck all day probably didn't help much.  I'm going to give them as much of a break as I can for the next week as I finish this cycle.

God gave us good news and a safe trip.  I give Him honor and praise and all the glory.  Then a bonus visit from Trish.  It's so fun to have here here!

So Tired! Thank You, God!

Oh my goodness; today was so tiring!  Tomorrow will be another long day since we're driving home.  We get the results in the morning of all these tests, though.  I learn if this current treatment we are using works, so that's a really good thing.  I'm eager to know!

They keep it so freezing cold at MD Anderson, my teeth were chattering today.  I had on long jeans and a jacket with the shirt you see in the pic above.  They finally gave me hot blankets, but they only stay warm for 20 minutes or so.  I told the last lady who did my CT that I could just see the headlines:  "Old Lady Survives Breast Cancer, but Freezes to Death at her Check Up!"  She said, "That's not very good PR for us, is it?"  I was never so glad to be out of there where I could get warm!  My feet were numb all day; they're just now thawing out and they remember that they hurt!  I kept reminding myself about the lady who had her leg amputated from below the knee at the ballgame, but it was hard not to whine when my teeth were chattering.I need a good night's sleep and then we'll head home tomorrow. I'll post results as soon as I can but it may be when we get home tomorrow night, late.

Thanks so much for your love and prayers and support.  God gave us a safe trip and I still have both legs, and I can walk on them, so I am grateful even if I have an occasional pitty party.  Party's over and I'm rejoicing to go to bed, now!