The Widows' Dance?

Well, it looks like we're dancing! Actually, I had to set the timer on the camera and then run back to get into the picture. Dorothy was just grabbing me to get me in there with her. We do have so much fun; it's our own kind of dance. I guess it's our way of dancing in the rain. I thank God for her; she's sure a joy to know! Together we laugh and together we cry; we are definitely on the same page!

Today after church Dorothy came home with me and we ate beans and cornbread. After I took her home I came home and stuck the turkey into the oven. After church tonight it was done, so I've got it all sliced and ready to eat this week. I'll put it into the freezer and it will be a simple thaw on Thursday.

I've got to wash the pans, and then I'm going to bed. I was tired from cleaning the turkey, so I came in here to rest a bit while I write the blog. I'm sure glad I got this turkey done ahead. I'd hate to be this tired when everyone is here!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving week; if you travel, please be safe. When you see your family hug them close and enjoy the time with them! I'm thankful for YOU!

God has a plan for me.

This picture was about 3 weeks ago when I went to a friend's wedding. It was a wonderful wedding and very different than what we usually see, so that was a good thing for me. If it hadn't been so interesting, I probably would have had a really hard time. I was lucky that another friend went in at the same time that I did and his wife was helping their daughter buy a suit for interviewing (she's about to get her masters she was interviewing for an internship, which she got). So, we sat together and it was nice to have a companion.

Today I've gotten some loose ends tied up, so I feel good about today. I'm ready for a good night's sleep and braced for it to turn cold tomorrow. I made a pot of beans today and Dorothy is coming for beans and cornbread (from the freezer) after church tomorrow. We have a visiting preacher from Colorado, so it will be a full day tomorrow, too. I've listened to Joel Osteen some more tonight and he is so good for me. I thank God for all the blessings in my life and I look forward to whatever God has in store for me.

We call it the Hodge eye.

I think I took this about a week ago. I wasn't sick, but my Hodge eye is sure showing. My dad's daddy had a noticeably smaller eye and he was mostly sick with emphysema for all the years that I knew him. When he got pneumonia and with years it got more noticeable. Ruthie and Jim and I all had it. I remember Mom used to say, "Your Hodge eye is showing!" That worried her because she thought we were getting sick. Maybe I was just tired last week, or maybe I was fresh off a sob session. One day THIS week, I thought I was coming down with a cold. I took a Nyquil and went to bed early, I was so convinced. I took 3,000 mg of Vitamin C every time I ate anything and drank Colloidal Silver water. The next day I woke up fine. I continued the Vitamin C and Silver water for another day, but I've had no more problems. I did replace the Nyquil with antihistamines in case it was allergies. Anyway, I thank God that I have NOT been sick and that I can see even if my eye is little. Maybe it's just my age showing. I never minded having a Hodge eye, though. It marks me as one of us and it is an indicator when things are askew. I wonder if that other eye is my Fox eye, since Mom was a Fox? I used to call her a foxy lady and it made her smile. Precious memories.

Today I sewed. I put new elastic in a pair of pants for Dorothy and I made a couple of rice buddies for a couple at church. They were singing with me Wednesday night and I came in with a couple of my buddies. It was really cold, so I offered them one to warm up their hands. I thought they might fight over it! Just kidding; they wouldn't do that, but they sure did like the warmth. She asked me how I made them and I said I'd just make them one. So, I made one for each of them, today. I really think everyone should have a buddy when it's cold!

I ran across a whole bunch of old pictures today. I sat down and spent about an hour going through all of them. Many, many precious memories. I left them out so the kids can enjoy them when they come next week. These were all pictures we'd taken since we moved here 15 years ago, but I hadn't looked at them in over 5 years. I loved the pictures and the memories, but, of course I cried. Over that 15 years our grandkids have been through so many great stages. It was great to relive those wonderful years.

I had lint and threads all over me from the sewing, so it reminded me that I needed to clean the floors. So, I got that done. I've had a very full day, so I'm headed to a bath and bed.

It's a lonely smile.

Don used to take pictures for me and he always made me laugh. I have to pretend, now, when I set the timer and nobody is taking a picture, let alone making me laugh. It's a whole new world. I wrote down something someone said that I keep: "Quit mourning over something you can't change; step into something new." I imagine it was Joel Osteen and I have a lot of respect for him. So far, I'm into something new, but it's not anything I'm liking so much. I pray each day that I will adjust and do better. I know that God left me here to do something positive and make a good difference, so that's my goal. I think I'm mostly striking out, but I'm training and intend to get better and better at this.

Trish and Rob and some of their kids are coming here for Thanksgiving. So, that gave me the incentive to go grocery shopping today. The turkey is in the fridge, thawing and I'll cook it Sunday. I'll slice it and put it in the freezer, so that part will be done when they get here. I'll make the dressing on Wednesday and pies. The rest will fall into place. I chopped up all the celery and onions today, so that's ready to put into the dressing. I made a big dish of quiche, so we'll have breakfast for one day ready. (I'll put it in the freezer, too.) It seems like I did a lot more today, but it doesn't take much to tire me. Anyway, I was busy and I'm tired and have a smile on my face. It's nice to look forward to people coming. I thank God for wonderful people in my life and the ability to cook for them. I am richly blessed.

Garrett at the dam.

Wild! Scampering around on these rocks didn't bother Garrett a bit, but he did NOT like being on the edge! Anything up is scary to me; I just respect it all and do my best to stay in control of where my body goes. I thank God for all the beauty He has given us to explore. I love it when it's still so natural as it is at the refuge.

My body went to sing at the nursing home tonight. I love to do that and I thank God that I could hit some notes tonight. Sometimes my voice doesn't cooperate and there were only 3 of us for a while and then 4 after another lady joined us. A few from the nursing home gather and sing along with us, too. They are precious people and it brightens my life to be able to brighten their day sometimes. I should have someone take a picture of us sometime when we go, so you'll know kind of what it's like.

Tonight is mid week Bible study and then I'll come home and watch Survivor, which I tape. Then it'll be an early night to bed, I hope. I got all my teaching papers submitted today, so it'll be interesting to see how long it takes them to certify me and call me to work. I'd better make a plan and be ready in case they call soon.

A visit with Frank at HOME!

We got to Frank's and Jo Ann's house last night just as Jo Ann was getting out of the shower, so she took the picture for us since here hair was in a towel! Their daughter, Kristy is standing right behind Frank and Dorothy is holding his hand. Frank looks so good. I'm so happy that they are home and I know they enjoyed a good night in their own bed! I talked to Jo Ann a few minutes ago and she said she was surprised she could sleep laying down (after sleeping in a chair that sort of folds out for four nights!). Praise God that Frank survived this heart attack. She said they even went to the coffee shop today! Kristy will go home in the morning, so they'll be on their own, but they can handle it.

I worked all day on my (teaching) licensing process. Good grief; I feel like I'm in college, again, filling out all these papers. It's all pretty baffling, but I made it through college, so surely I can make it through this. I taped Dancing with the Stars last night since I was out fingerprinting, so I'm going to watch it tonight and then the live show. Then I'm crashing. I'm tired from all this thinking!

Garret, in my heart!

Garrett is way more agile than me, so he could climb up onto this rock. I would love to have climbed up there, but there was no stool and nobody to give me a boost. All of our kids who have been to this rock have climbed up onto it. I'm taking my kitchen stool next time so I can climb up there, too. Greedy little Grammy; that's me. I want every bit of the energy from this rock and I want to sit right in the heart, too!

Today I've been working on my papers for subbing. Tonight I have to go to Altus to have my fingerprints taken. They'll take a chemo brain, but they're not having a crook or a pervert. Sweet Dorothy said she'd go with me so I wouldn't have to drive by myself in the dark. I said, "But, you can't see in the daylight!" She said, "I know, but there is strength in numbers!" Isn't she a dear? We're going to leave before dark and stop and see Frank and Jo Ann, who should be home from the hospital by then. Hooray! Then we'll have to come home in the dark. It's not a big deal; I just don't like driving in the dark. I do lots of things I don't like, so this will just be another one and it will be behind me. I thank God for Dorothy, who will go with me for support. I thank God that Frank is able to come home, too! They'll get to sleep in their own bed tonight and I know that will be wonderful!

I'm taping Dancing With the Stars and we'll watch it tomorrow. Off I go to prove I'm not a thug.

Another broken heart.

No, the heart rock didn't break. This picture is one Garrett took of me last week when we went to the heart rock, a favorite of our family. It represents lots of great memories to us.

I got word today that the husband of one of Don's classmate's passed away on 11-11-11. I know how broken she is and it's so difficult. I'm going to have to grow up to this tough reality of life. I thought childbirth was a tough reality, but it was a piece of cake bringing a child into the world, as opposed to giving up someone who is leaving this world. RIP, John Swinney, wonderful husband to Gretchen Braun.

Also, one of Dorothy's long time friend's passed away this morning. RIP Mel Jackson. I knew Mel, but only through Dorothy and Mel's cousin June Lyde, who was my best friend in Hobart until she died a few years ago. This has been a tough day for Dorothy and I, but we survived it.

We both forgot that it was the fellowship dinner at church today, but I ran home between Sunday School and church and grabbed a meatloaf and a cake that were in the freezer and took them for dinner. I felt like we needed the fellowship today if we ever did! I'm glad we stayed; it was good for us. I thank God for good friends who can pull us through the hard times. I believe He sends them!

That heart rock is solid through all of Oklahoma's winds and all our heart aches. The love of God is that solid, too, and more! He tells us to love and He IS LOVE. This heart rock says a lot to me and it's a treasure to me every time we go to see it.

Oklahoma winds!

Garrett and I were up on the top of Mount Scott and the wind was blowing 40-50 mph. I had to hold my shirt down! It's always windy up there. The first time I went up there I was still wearing glasses and I had to hold them to keep them from blowing off my head! It's a beautiful view, though and it was great to build a memory with Garrett. He and I have great fun; he's a blessing to me and I thank God for him!

Today I was able to get the weeds sprayed. I hope it gets a good kill and it takes care of them for me until spring. The wind got to blowing after I started so I may have killed more than I intended to kill. We'll see. At this point, I really don't care as long as the weeds go!

I also got the fax machine to work today. I got 35 pages sent to Don's stock broker, so I can get all my paperwork done with them much quicker than going through snail mail. That was a relief! Thanks to Robert for letting me send a test fax to him yesterday. It feels good to have accomplished two things, today.

Wow; two months ago today is the day Don had his heart attack and stroke. I still can't believe it. People say it gets better, but I guess not this soon. A lot of water has gone under the bridge in the last two months, though. I'm still stunned. I thank God that He cares for me. The kids keep a pretty close eye on me and Trish has taken me on like I'm one of her kids. Many people check on me and I know they care. I'm richly blessed and I thank you for caring and reading.

11-11-11

How can I not mention this date. Wow! It's a really cool one. I'm not staying up until 11:11 to celebrate it, though. I'm going to go to bed early and sleep through 11:11 to celebrate it! Today I did a ton of paper work and I'm so ready for bed!

This picture is one of Garrett at the top of the 40 foot hole. Notice how he's hanging onto that rock! (Look back a couple days and notice that I had my hand on the rock for balance, but Garrett is GRIPPING it the best he could.) He's a little afraid of heights, so being that close to the edge was not his comfort zone. I wasn't crazy about it, either. In fact we came back the way longer way to keep from walking along the edge. It was a great hiking day and a wonderful memory. I thank God for Garrett to share it with me!

Frank is doing better and better! He was up walking around today! Wow! I'm so thrilled and thank God that he could live through this heart attack! Thank you all for praying for him. When Dorothy and I went in to see him, she said, "Oh, Frank, I 've been praying so hard for you, and it's working!" She is such a dear!

Oh, Frank!

In the back: Don, Frank and Jo Ann; in the front is David and Dorothy. This picture was taken on May 7th, when we were all out at Jo Ann's and Frank's house to play cards. David passed away on September 1; Don passed away on September 15. Today Frank had a heart attack, but he is ALIVE! He was air evacuated to Lawton and they put 2 more stints into his heart where the last stint was 100% blocked. Dorothy and I drove there today because we just had to go. We couldn't do anything for them, but we had to see them. It was difficult, though. It was like going through it all, again, with Don. But, Frank was very alert and doing so well. He was laughing and talking. I believe he will be okay. This is the 2nd time he's had to be air evacuated to Lawton with a heart attack! I guess he's pretty good at it because he looks great and they think he'll be able to go home in 3 or 4 days. They want to monitor him and see how much damage was done to his heart. I thank God for his life!

It was so hard to drive to Lawton and home. Don always did that drive. I didn't expect to think of that as I made the drive today, but it was so in my face! I think of all the times I slept and I could have been awake and talking to him. Don't waste time like that with your loved ones! Anyone can have a heart attack and die; be sure you tell everyone you love that you love them and hug them! When they're gone, you'll wish you could have another hug!

At the top of the 40 foot hole.

Garrett took this picture of me at the top of the 40 foot hole. That doesn't seem like much to some folks, but around here it's mostly flat land. Actually, the cliff is the odd thing; it drops off into a creek that is 40 feet below, though. It was very dry, so Garrett and I climbed around down in the bottom and were able to cross the creek. Then we climbed up to the top and took this picture. I could never have done it without TWO hiking sticks; what a huge help they are! Garrett and I both loved the hike and we hope to get to go, again, when he comes the next time. The wind was blowing at 40-50 mph, so it was a nice cool hike; I was glad for my jeans and jacket!

Today I got some details corrected. That's good. I love marking things off my list. I also sunned for an hour and 20 minutes. That's all I could take. It was 60 degrees, and that would have been great, but the wind made it pretty chilly, even though I had my rice buddies with me. I hope and hour and 20 minutes got enough Vit. D for me; it's all I could do.

Church tonight and then Survivor before bed. I've done my back and hip treatments, so I'm god for today. Ah . . . I thank God for a simple day with some successes and no real technical irritations. My email is working, again. ??? I can only give thanks; can't figure it out at all!

Safe!

This picture was taken about 6 blocks from our house, looking to the north. That's too close for comfort. I didn't see this; I was in the basement! Someone took it and put it on Facebook and I captured it there. This is why I love the basement! I thank God for a safe place to go when the weather it like it was yesterday! I thank Him that the house was still here when we came up from the basement, too! For a while we literally wondered if it would be there because it was so loud. Normally, we can't hear a thing when we're in the basement; I really wondered if the house had blown off the foundation and we were hearing the rain and wind. It turned out that it was so loud because it was hailing. I wonder if there was roof damage; I never thought to look at that today! I thank God that Dorothy came to share the night with me, too. She made it fun and we decided to have slumber parties even if there is no storm!

Tonight I spoke at the ladies' salad supper and it went well, I think. My voice broke and I teared up some, but I never broke into sobs. The ladies were kind and loving and they seemed to appreciate the studies I shared with them. My purpose has become very interesting to me, and I find in the Bible that it is to do good things that bring praise to God. I also shared that we are to let our light shine and it shines so much better when we all are together shining. I illustrated that by turning out all the lights and lighting a candle and then lighting each of their candles until we had a good light in the room. I hope points were made that will stick with them. Certainly I got the most from the study I did in preparing for the devotion. I also emphasized the beatitudes where we are promised that those who mourn will be comforted and blessed. I thank God for his blessings and for having a purpose for me!

Quick Post.

This picture is one the timer caught of Dorothy and I as we headed out to go get Garrett last Friday. Today we are together, again. They are predicting severe weather for us and possibly tornadoes, so she came to spend the night with me. The thunder is rumbling, so I'm about to shut down the computers. We'll head to the basement if it gets scary or if the siren sounds. Right now she's napping.

It was a bizarre hot summer; then we had those earthquakes over the weekend. Now, they say severe weather, so we're bracing for whatever may happen. God is good; we'll be fine, but we have to do our part. God bless and I'll be back tomorrow!

Happy birthday, Gretta!

Garrett and I celebrated Gretta's birthday today by going to the refuge and climbing around for several hours! We are both sore as can be, but it was fun!

I'm headed to power plate and NUBAX to give my back some relief. Then it's bath and bedtime! I thank God for Garrett this weekend; he's been a great support. I thank God for Gretta, too! It's amazing how time flies; she's my baby!

A new memory at the refuge.

Garrett and I survived a day at the refuge; it was wonderful but we are both very sore. Here I was holding the camera on a rock in hopes the timer would catch us before the camera was blown off the rock. The wind was blowing at 40-50 mph; I'm surprised my hair wasn't standing up straight! God gave us safety and lots of wonder. It was a great day!

Today we went to church and then took Dorothy with us to the Future Teachers Association fund raiser dinner. (I think they are not future teachers, anymore, but whoever they are they have a great fund raiser diner!) It was fun to see lots of people from the community and share Garrett with them.

Starting tonight we're supposed to get some rugged weather. We'll get rain, which will be good and welcomed, but also storms and maybe tornadoes. So, I told Dorothy she should come spend the night with me, so she'll be here to go down to the basement with me if necessary. She agreed, so we're planning a slumber party tomorrow night. We had 6 earthquakes from 2 a.m. on Saturday until 10 p.m. last night. We felt 2 of them and one made Oklahoma history; it was a 5.6. So, we're a little creeped out with strange weather and geographical things happening. I'm glad to have the basement for tomorrow! God will see us through this, but I may not have power tomorrow night. If I don't show up on the blog, just know we're out of power for a while.
(Spell checker won't work; hope this isn't too full of errors!)

Down comes Gracie!

This is a picture of Gracie coming down the pole at Exploration Station. She could also climb UP that pole! I tell you they are MONKEYS! I thank God for their health and agility! They are blessed and so am I!

Today was very full. I started out going to a birthday party for an 82 year old friend. Then I volunteered to sell snacks at the elementary school. (Gave me a sneak peak in case I decide to sub.) Then I went and got Dorothy and brought here home with me for lunch. Then the two of us went and got Garrett about an hour from here. So, Garrett is here for the weekend. We're going hiking at the refuge tomorrow! We're both excited about that! Watch for pictures of our adventure!

Good night. God bless!

Garrett is coming for the weekend!

I took this picture off of Facebook, so it may not enlarge for you. It's the best I can do with it. I just wanted a current pic of Garrett. This is taken in his ROTC uniform. He called me last night to see if he could come spend the weekend with me. What a blessing! I will be so glad to have him here!

Maybe he can fix my email? He's quite the computer whiz. I can surf and I can receive and send email from web mail, but I'd sure rather use Windows mail. I've had trouble with it previously, and it seems to fix itself after a day or two. Maybe it will fix itself; nothing I do seems to help!

Today has been a day of struggles. I've fought with the tax people, but finally got some straight answers. Man, I have to stand so tall, and I hate doing that! (I'd like to BE tall, but from 5' it's such an effort to stand tall.) I thank God that I can, though, when I have to do it. I struggled with the email and it's still winning. I sold some stocks, so I feel good about that. I need to get away from that unknown black hole before I fall into it!

I'm getting ready to put my tennis shoes on and grab my walking poles and go out and have a stomp. I need to unload some stress. I'd better go before it gets too cool and dark. I may just make it around the little street that cuts off our street. I just need to stomp. Maybe I need to get some nails and name then and then hammer them good. I'll keep that as a back up if the stomp doesn't get the job done.

More of the monkeys.

This is Sadie sliding down the pole. All the kids can come down this pole in a flash, so it's a wonder I could catch her in action. They can also climb UP it. They're all just pretty awesome! If you ever have any doubt about any of our grandkids, just ask their grammy! :)

Today has been a better day. I stayed up and listened to Joel Osteen on the Internet for 3 hours last night. I think he gave me a boost I needed. I was searching for a particular lesson, but I enjoyed hearing all I heard in my search. Tonight I'll go to bed as soon as I watch Survivor after church. It's COLD here, tonight. We had a front come through and the wind is blowing something awful. Ugh. I thank God I have plenty of clothes to layer up in and good warm buddies. Of course I have heat, but I'm frugal with it. This is a big house to heat, so I've got it set on 65; I may weaken and move it up to 70, but it's chilly right now.

I got the AT&T bill paid today; they were fine with my name today. Duh. I got some tax questions answered, too. Little by little I move forward and that's good. I went out and gave Dorothy a good haircut today and rolled it for her. I'm anxious to see her tonight and see how it looks. She's coming Friday to have lunch with me. We'll enjoy beans and cornbread left over from when the kids were here (I put it in the freezer.). I'll get a picture of us that day.

On a good day . . .

On a good day, I can smile like in this picture. This was on Sunday after all the folks were here for lunch. I felt good.

Today I went to talk to the Education Department about subbing. I got an application and numbers to call about my teaching certificate. I got all that done and have typed the letter to ask for my teaching certificate from 40 years ago when I taught. Good grief, that makes me sound old! And, I'm thinking of teaching, now??? I might be crazy. We'll see how complicated it gets. It kind of made my heart beat when I started the process, though. I wonder if I could get excited about teaching, again. I seriously doubt it, but my heart did go pitter-patter for a minute.

Then I talked to the tax people and got all upset. I really believe they tax us just to keep us under their thumbs. The money isn't going to get us out of debt and they just keep spending money we don't have, so robbing us isn't going to make things better. Don't let me get started. Anyway, the tax guy I was talking to was a bozo and didn't know what he was talking about. He got me off the phone, though. I called back later, hoping to get someone else and they gave me the same guy! He admitted he didn't know the answers to my questions so he said he'd talk to his supervisor and call me tomorrow. So, I sobbed. I was just so frustrated. It's really bad when I know more than the tax guy! Don always handled the taxes.

Then I called AT&T and talked to their robot for a while and waited on hold for even longer. After about 2 hours on the phone, mostly waiting, I gave up and went to their web site where the robot says it's easy. Sure. I got onto a chat with a guy there who wanted to make it a great day for me; he admitted he couldn't help me because he has limited access. So, I used my last bit of energy to tell them that I lived 50 years before I had Internet access and I can live the rest of my life without it, too. I was attempting to pay my bill with my credit card and they told me the wrong name was on the card. DUH. It's the same card we've paid our bill with for years and I think I know my own name after 63 years with it. It was nothing to make me sad, but it doesn't take much to bring me to sobs. I had plenty today. If Don were here he'd be handling this stuff and if I was, at least I could whine to him and he would agree with me that they are idiots and scumbags. So, you have to read about it because I have to vent.

So, yes, there is life after breast cancer. Real life, with ups and downs. I'm in the downs right now, but God gives me ups, too. He gives me the strength to make it through the downs. I'm counting on that and I thank Him for it. I thank Him for you, who care; it means so much to me.

Two days in a row!

I took this last night on my way to church. I'm getting pretty good with the timer on the camera, but it doesn't make me laugh like Don did when he was taking the pictures. I miss him so much! This has been the second day in a row that I haven't burst into sobs. I thank God for 2 days in a row that I could keep a straight face.

I'm going to go to bed early and hope the rest will get me started on another good day tomorrow. I've got my rice buddies already warming the bed. I'm heating another set that I'll put into the 'cooler' so they'll be warm when I get up in the middle of the night. I won't have to take time to warm the buddies! I'm getting creative.

Tomorrow is a busy day. I'm going to go to the school and talk to them about subbing. I think I won't sub this year, but I'll see what I have to do to to get re-certified. It's just good to have all my bases covered and be prepared in case I want to sub or teach. I don't think I really want to teach, but who knows?

She can skip THREE rings!

This is Gracie skipping 3 rings. She is such a good monkey! I love that smile, too!

Today went really well. Bill preaches at Roosevelt, but Olya and the girls came to Hobart for church with their friends Sonia and Joseph Rhodes and their son, Mason. Joseph and Sonia are missionaries in Russia and they come here every 2 years, so it was good to see them. They all came home with Dorothy and I for lunch and Bill joined us here, too. It was a wonderful time of visiting and I thank God for more great memories.

At church tonight we had our 5th Sunday singing and it was good. Afterwards, I visited with a friend for a long time and that was good for me. Here I am up late, again! But, it's been a better day. No sobbing today. I cried some, but no sobbing. I'm making marks and this is my second day of no sobbing (not in a row). So, I think this could be good. I like not sobbing better than sobbing, but I think the sobbing must be something that is somehow good for me. You know, like they say crying is good for babies because it develops their lungs. Maybe my lungs need help? Maybe it's good for my heart; I know it needs help!

A family of loving behavior.

Trish has 6 kids and they greet each new one with welcome and love. This is a picture of Gracie helping Raynie 'learn to skate' in MY roller blades. They play with these every time they come. Grace is pretty good, now! The cool thing is that she wants to share it with Raynie. Just like helping her on the rings. They all amaze me how they look after each other and really function as a team and loving family. I love these pictures! (By the way, I have NO business on roller blades. I've had these for years and only had them on about 3 times. I only keep them because the kids have so much fun with them. I am way to rickety to roller blade these days! Can't you just see me roller blading with walking poles!)

Today has been busy. I cleaned the whole house and made a pie for tomorrow's dinner. The dinner is mostly ready except for a casserole I'll make in the morning before church. We'll grab rolls on our way to church (I go get Dorothy and take her.) I'm all set. Now, I just have to go get a bath, wash my hair and hit the clean sheets. That used to be fun with Don, but there's nobody to appreciate it with me. I guess they'll last two weeks; I can sleep on my side for a week and then sleep on his side for a week. That will cut my sheet changing chores in half; that's a good thing. Wonder what will happen when the memory foam feels me on his side instead of him. Nothing happened when Trish, Gretta or Terri slept over there. I guess that memory foam is very forgiving; maybe it's happier to have a smaller person there? Don had gotten pretty small; he was down to 184 the last time he weighed here. I thank God that he was healthy until right at the last; that was certainly his dream. God is taking good care of him, now; he doesn't have any worries and no pain or tears. Wow; that's a happy ending for him.

A family of monkeys. :)

Precious monkeys, that is! This is Gracie encouraging Raynie across the rings. She lifted her up there and turned her loose! Raynie has no fear and can do anything the bigger kids do. Amazing!

We went back to Exploration Station today, but this picture is from last week. Trish and I got a lot more accomplished today. It's been a huge help to have them here. I keep plugging and I'll make it.

I read some stuff about the stages of grief today. It said it's likely I will cry for 2 months and maybe longer. I hope I can stop soon. I made it through yesterday without sobbing and haven't sobbed today, but I bet I'll sob tomorrow when there's nobody here to stress over me. I know I need it. Some good sobs will shape me up and brace me for a bit. I'm kind of hooked on it. I guess it's better than boozing and drugging. They say if I take to drugs and booze I'm in trouble. No sweat; I'm not even tempted to do that. If it's okay to sob, then I'm in good shape, I guess.
The final stage is acceptance. I must be a hundred years from there. God will take care of me, though. I have the checkbook to prove it. :) (Remember, that was my sign and I'm clinging to it!)

They give me smiles and warm my heart!

This picture was taken last week when the kids were here and we were at Exploration Station. Thank God for they precious little hearts and spirits! They keep a smile on my face most of the time. We hope to go to Exploration Station tomorrow if it's not too cold. Right now they are passed out asleep, waiting for Trish and I to go to bed. We're both catching up on the Internet.

We've been pretty busy all day, so we've got catching up to do. We got a lot done, so it's been a big help to me. We've got a lot more to do tomorrow, but things are beginning to take shape.

I haven't sobbed all day! I think this is the first day of no sobbing, so maybe I'm turning a corner of sorts? We'll see. I had to turn heat on today, so certainly I'm turning that corner! Brrrrrrr. It's supposed to warm up this weekend, so I'll be glad to see that.

Blowing and going.

This is a picture of the kids at the park, Exploration Station, here in Hobart. They are all incredible monkeys! You see Mason in the background on the left, obviously on the run. Sadie had put Raynie up on the monkey bars and she'd made it to the end and needed help to get down. Grace was right there to help her and Sadie jumped to the job, too. They are an amazing family to play so well together and look after each other. Gabe wasn't in this picture, but I'm sure he was somewhere timing Mason as he ran through his assigned course. These pictures bring back great memories for me. I sat there and cried as I watched them because Don used to lift them up to the monkey bars and push them in the swings. Everything, even the happy times are so sad. I don't know how I will ever get past this, but it must happen somehow. God promises comfort and blessing to those who mourn. No doubt I am blessed. Comforting me is tough, but God can do it. I know He will take care of me; I just have to be willing to follow Him and trust Him.

My Internet has been running perfectly yesterday and today. Now, two new modems arrived by UPS! I called to ask what to do with them and they said to go online after 8 tonight and register and then send them back tomorrow. Now, there's no telling what will happen when I attempt to register tonight. I hope it goes smoothly and doesn't get all fouled up, but I thought I'd better post now, while I can, just in case.

Thanks for hanging tough with me. I hate to be such a baby, but I feel so broken. I want to be honest and nothing pretty I say is honest. I see the title of this blog and it seemed so right when I made it. I was living after breast cancer and that was the bottom line; it was exciting. I wanted to share that. Now, it seems grim; I live, but the rest of the story is that Don doesn't live and it's not exciting. It's grim. If we were unhappily married and just tolerating each other his death would not be so hard to take. But, we were happy. We loved each other with every ounce of energy that we had. Now it seems like I spend all my energy sobbing. Sobs come out of nowhere. It's like I'm walking a balance beam and fall off from time to time. I'm ashamed. I should be focusing on giving thanks to God for all the wonderful years we had and for having the opportunity to truly love and be loved. I do give that thanks; that's when I'm on the balance beam. When I fall off is when I sob. It's just so hard. I'm working on it. Thanks so much for caring; don't worry, just care and keep me in your prayers, please. I know God is here and is helping me. I'm just so weak with only this half of me remaining. Trish is coming tomorrow with Mason, Grace and Raynie. I will be up with them here, so good days are ahead.

Tuesday is done.

Pictured tonight is Gracie and Raynie; Gracie is 8 and Raynie is 4. They were here last week and they'll come, again, on Thursday and Friday. I'm blessed to have their sunshine in my life.

Today is one of our last warm days for a while, so I got to spend a little time in the sun. My new modem was supposed to come from ATT, but it didn't. Thankfully, everything is working fine. I don't think it was a problem with the modem at all; it was just a problem with ATT. I guess they'd rather send out new modems than fix the real problem, but saying they'll send a new modem gets me off their back for a few days. As long as it's working, I'm happy. Even my email is working fine, now. I don't get it at all, but I'm happy today since it's working.

Last night I was able to get vitamins and herbs thrown for the next 2 months. I need to do 4 more months to get me through the winter until spring. I guess I'll be traveling this winter. It's hard to imagine what I'll do, but I think I can get some ladies to go with me so it won't be so bland without Don. I won't get all that out until next Monday, though. It works pretty well to do them while I watch Dancing with the Stars.

I got one of Don's file cabinets ordered (so that I understand the order) today. That's a start. Little by little I'm starting to get a grasp of things around here. God is good to give me strength and a clear head from time to time. He showed me the checkbook and that was a big help. Now, if He'll fund it, I'll be in better shape. :)

Happy birthday, Janelle and Jessie!

Pictured today are Janelle and Jessie, sisters who are turning 21 and 19 today! These girls grew up in Las Vegas and I'm so happy to have them back in Oklahoma! It's wonderful to get to see them more. Janelle is in Norman, so that's within 2 hours of me. Jessie is playing ball for Rogers State University in Claremore, so I'm hoping to get to go see some of her games this year. They're beautiful girls and I'm so proud of them for their internal beauty as well as their good looks.

Today has been a better day. I got some things accomplished. Some of the Internet is working. My email receives, but it won't send. So, I thought I had better get this blog posted while I can. I've got to throw herbs tonight, so I guess I'll do that in front of the TV and watch Dancing with the Stars. I've only watched a part of it one time this season. It's hard to get into it because it's a thing I always watched with Don. I'm down to two days of herbs and vitamins, though, so I'd better get with that business.

I have to share this. I always listen to Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings. This Sunday he said we should ask God to give us a sign when we really are counting on Him to do something for us. He said it will encourage us to know that the answer is coming to our prayer, maybe not immediately, but it's coming. So, last night I asked God to send me a sign that He would direct me in the way that He wants me to go. I had lost the checkbook and searched the house and van for it to no avail. So, I asked God to lead me to the checkbook and that would be my sign that He will lead me in the direction I need to go. I usually fall right to sleep, but asking for that led me to think of all the places that checkbook might be. I had taken it with me to pay for having plugs put into the van over a week ago, so I thought I might have stuck it into the glove box with the receipt. I got right out of bed and went to FIND it right there in the glove box! It's my sign. I knew that God would direct me, but it gives me a tangible thing I can touch and be reminded that He will take care of me. I'm sure that's a great thing because the checkbook represents a big stress zone for me, but now it's a comfort and encouragement to me. Thank you, Joel, and thanks to our wonderful Father!

RIP, Tom Martin

Look! I finally got onto the blog to post. I hope it works! I've had problems all day with my Internet connection and ATT is shipping a new modem to me tomorrow. I had called Trish and asked her to post for me; she meant to post after she ran. I tried one more time and got to connect. Wow. Technology is wild!

This is a picture I took last week of Gracie skipping THREE of the loop! She is an awesome little monkey; she can readily skip one and two loops, but she had to really get going to skip THREE! There is Raynie down on the right admiring her success. I can't believe I actually caught it! Fun, fun memories. They were busy playing, so they didn't notice I had to cry. I had never been to this park without Don, who held them up to reach these monkey rings and bars. They can all get up there by themselves, now, except for Raynie and Gabe held her up to do the swinging. Man, every direction I turn, I miss Don. Folks do their best to help me, but the grief seems to get bigger, not smaller.

Ruthie wrote today that our good friend, [whose mother-in-law (Dot) and wife (Jane) are ardent viewers and posters on this blog] Tom Martin, had a heart attack and passed away today! Tom was about my age, give or take a year or two. He and Jane had their annual trip to Branson scheduled for November 2, I think. He was a healthy guy. It's another wake up call, folks. Life is not anything we can count on. God we can count on. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know that God is there to receive us when we die and he's also here to help us who survive. RIP, precious Tom. God be with you, Jane, Dot and Frances. (Dot is staying with her sister, Frances, during this time; Jane dropped her off there as she headed home to be with Tom as soon as she learned of his heart attack. Jane moved to Tennessee to help take care of her mom and dad after she retired. Her dad passed away a couple of months ago. Tom had stayed in Indiana to help look after his mom, who is 92. Jane and Tom commuted back and forth to spend time with each other.)

I thought old age was bad, but I'm learning that it's even worse than bad. Losing loved ones is just too awful. Please, please hug the people you love and savor every moment with them. Don't wait. Do it, now.

Suvived the wedding.

The wedding was beautiful. I took this picture before I left for the wedding. Everything about this wedding was very different than usual, so I was so interested in everything that I didn't let my emotions get away from me. A good friend from church was going in as I was and his wife had gone to help their daughter buy an interview suit, so he became my escort for the wedding. It was nice to have an escort! The wedding was so lovely. She had four nieces be flower girls and they dropped leaves instead of flower petals. It was really cute. On the table were arrangements of wild flowers and the smelled so good and were beautiful, too. It was all very, very interesting and nice. I pray that they can be as happy as Don and I were, and that they can be married for a long, long time.

Alyssa came for a couple of hours this morning and I forgot to take picture, again. Ugh. Her mom came and had lunch with us before they left. Then I laid in the sun on the deck for a couple of hours this afternoon, so that was a good rest for me. Then I came in and got cleaned up for the wedding. I even trimmed and buffed my nails, so I'm all groomed for a while. Tomorrow we have a young guy here to preach for us; he's trying out for the preacher position. I'd sure like it if we could hire someone, so there would be a neighbor on that side of me. Of course, it's nice to have a preacher, too, but our men at church are really handling that task so well. I think it's even bringing us all closer.

I'm headed to bed early. Yahoo!